I guess I get to Friday and I have all these things on my heart that I just ahve to write about, every week.
So. Wednesday I have a job interview. I'm very excited, nervous, all the things you are when you have an interview for a job that you really want/desperately need.
I'm finding more and more that I should in no way be scared of the future, because my future is so secure because I have the heavenly Father looking after me, guiding me to what I'm supposed to be doing. He is amazing.
I met with my advisor, and he kept telling me that I could graduate in May, no problemo. But, I really don't want to. I really want to be a K-State student for one more semester. I really feel like I shouldn't take an entire year of school off. I really feel like I should retake classes that didn't do spectacular in. Most importantly, I feel like God wants me to take my time. I think I rushed through everything since high school until now. I took all the hard classes, I did all the right things, I worked incredibly hard, and next year/next semester is my time to slow down. Time to reflect, love on my family more, get some patient contact hours and continue on. Life is incredible. God is incredible. He knows exactly what I need. I'm so thankful for the Holy Spirit.
So, now I'm going to frantically study for the next 70 hours. A's baby. That's the way to get A's (and to have no social life, but I want A's baby).
See ya'll. Love ya'll.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Weird
Life is so strange. God is so strange.
Yesterday almost immediately after I wrote my last blog about needing a job, a job that gets me some patient contact, I looked up CNA classes. I found one for over winter break and paid an insane amount of money to enroll in it. So I'm all enrolled for a CNA class now. I get to work and our HR sends out an e-mail saying that the exact job in Pawnee that I have been waiting for has opened. Why did these happen on the same day, God? Are you trying to tell me something?
So this morning I applied for that job, spiffed up my resume and sent in an employee transfer request. I'm very nervous, very insecure about it. I had already talked to my boss about not being a receptionist forever, so she knew that this was coming.
I'm nervous for a couple reasons.
1) what if I don't get it, will the people that I work with find out?
2) What if I do get it and they want me to start soon, and I'm in Human body, and that's a lot of work in itself.
3) Can I really work with mental health clients one-on-one, am I cut out for that?
So we'll see what happens. I know for sure that God knows my best interests and skills and He is going to use me where ever He see fit. And that might just being working with people who have moderate to severe mental disorders, to me that's scary, but He would never ever put me anywhere where I couldn't do something. So I'm a little on edge right now. I'm going to hit the books to try and get it off my mind. I don't know why I'm so uncomfortable with this, but I am.
Yesterday almost immediately after I wrote my last blog about needing a job, a job that gets me some patient contact, I looked up CNA classes. I found one for over winter break and paid an insane amount of money to enroll in it. So I'm all enrolled for a CNA class now. I get to work and our HR sends out an e-mail saying that the exact job in Pawnee that I have been waiting for has opened. Why did these happen on the same day, God? Are you trying to tell me something?
So this morning I applied for that job, spiffed up my resume and sent in an employee transfer request. I'm very nervous, very insecure about it. I had already talked to my boss about not being a receptionist forever, so she knew that this was coming.
I'm nervous for a couple reasons.
1) what if I don't get it, will the people that I work with find out?
2) What if I do get it and they want me to start soon, and I'm in Human body, and that's a lot of work in itself.
3) Can I really work with mental health clients one-on-one, am I cut out for that?
So we'll see what happens. I know for sure that God knows my best interests and skills and He is going to use me where ever He see fit. And that might just being working with people who have moderate to severe mental disorders, to me that's scary, but He would never ever put me anywhere where I couldn't do something. So I'm a little on edge right now. I'm going to hit the books to try and get it off my mind. I don't know why I'm so uncomfortable with this, but I am.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Library pt. 3
I guess this is the way I get myself out of study...by writing blog posts that I have been meaning to write for the longest time.
So I have 3 great library stories and another thought.
1. Today I waved at someone walking towards me, thinking that it was a friend of mine. As they got closer I was thinking "crap...I totally don't know this guy." So then I apologized for waving at someone I didn't know and then I felt stupid.
2. Today I was trying to study on the main floor of the library, which is pretty loud usually.. but I kind of love the library hum-drum that goes on on that floor. But, the people across from me were watching a TV show or a you tube video or something without headphones on. So I gave them the look of "hey, you're in the library, why aren't you wearing headphones, you fools." kind of look. And almost immediately they put their headphones on. I felt so powerful!!!
3. I found a computer to write this blog post, which is kind of a task because like 75% of the computers in the K-State library are under maintenance, which I think is code for this is broken and we don't plan on fixing it, so we'll just spend your money to buy new ones. So I found one and the monitor is turned so that you see what the person next to you is doing. The guy I say down next to got up like 2 minutes later and sat down at another computer behind me. Apparently he did not want me to see what he was doing.... or his computer wasn't working and it truly does need some maintenance
My other thought. I'm trying to figure out in my mind what the difference of being like a Pharisee or Scribe in the bible and being a true Christian is. Like sometimes I see myself as over-righteous. and sometimes I see myself as super broken and sometimes I see myself as just plain ole righteous, and to think of myself that way at all, is that like a Pharisee or Scribe? I just don't get it. I think I'm supposed to feel confident in my faith, but not over confident. I know I don't know everything and I always marvel at the complexity, yet simplicity, of His design. I also know that there are several things in my life, attitude, what-have-you, that I totally need help with. Which, is where Jesus comes in. I know Jesus redeems me from my brokenness, and protects me from the hurt of this world. I don't want to be like the over-righteous, super rules followers, no relationship scribes and pharisees.
Sweet, I just learned how to use spell check on this thing.
So, I guess if you're reading this... or if anyone is reading this just pray for me to find a good balance. and also... to find a new job.
Thanks friends,
So I have 3 great library stories and another thought.
1. Today I waved at someone walking towards me, thinking that it was a friend of mine. As they got closer I was thinking "crap...I totally don't know this guy." So then I apologized for waving at someone I didn't know and then I felt stupid.
2. Today I was trying to study on the main floor of the library, which is pretty loud usually.. but I kind of love the library hum-drum that goes on on that floor. But, the people across from me were watching a TV show or a you tube video or something without headphones on. So I gave them the look of "hey, you're in the library, why aren't you wearing headphones, you fools." kind of look. And almost immediately they put their headphones on. I felt so powerful!!!
3. I found a computer to write this blog post, which is kind of a task because like 75% of the computers in the K-State library are under maintenance, which I think is code for this is broken and we don't plan on fixing it, so we'll just spend your money to buy new ones. So I found one and the monitor is turned so that you see what the person next to you is doing. The guy I say down next to got up like 2 minutes later and sat down at another computer behind me. Apparently he did not want me to see what he was doing.... or his computer wasn't working and it truly does need some maintenance
My other thought. I'm trying to figure out in my mind what the difference of being like a Pharisee or Scribe in the bible and being a true Christian is. Like sometimes I see myself as over-righteous. and sometimes I see myself as super broken and sometimes I see myself as just plain ole righteous, and to think of myself that way at all, is that like a Pharisee or Scribe? I just don't get it. I think I'm supposed to feel confident in my faith, but not over confident. I know I don't know everything and I always marvel at the complexity, yet simplicity, of His design. I also know that there are several things in my life, attitude, what-have-you, that I totally need help with. Which, is where Jesus comes in. I know Jesus redeems me from my brokenness, and protects me from the hurt of this world. I don't want to be like the over-righteous, super rules followers, no relationship scribes and pharisees.
Sweet, I just learned how to use spell check on this thing.
So, I guess if you're reading this... or if anyone is reading this just pray for me to find a good balance. and also... to find a new job.
Thanks friends,
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
The Library pt. 2
So I'm back here again, the library. To be honest the last blog post wasn't very long because I seriously had to use the bathroom, yes I just said that.
School is going well, I think I've finally learned how to buckle down and truly study. Also, I'm taking classes that I can actually do well in. However, if I don't get working on my abnormal psych research paper soon I'm going to be in some serious trouble. I just got done taking an abnormal psych test and how is it that, being at the 505 level, was it easier than my gen psych tests (at the 110 level)? I would say because gen psych was taught by an eager grad. student, and not by a tenured professor.
Yesterday I finished reading Matthew. Now, I'm onto Mark. In my new ESV study bible I've decided not to write or underline anything in the Bible, I'll leave that to my other one. I'm doing this because in my other bible anytime anything is underlined, my eye drifts right to that verse or passage, ignoring all the others. I think it would be cool to open up the bible and have a different part speak to me in a different way each time.
I've been trying to get onto KSOL for the past 30 minutes. I think it's broken.
Also, I have some friends who are trying to get me to get a twitter account so all this past week I've been thinking of things that I would tweet. This morning I thought of this "Is there a yacht club at KSU? #fratty" seriously... A lot of guys on campus look like they're about to hop on a boat and soak in the sun...but we're in the middle of the country, there is a lake near-by, but I don't think that counts.
I'm listening to my favorite kind of music right now. I haven't been able to listen to music much lately just because I've been studying so much and I can't study and listen to music at the same time. Nat King Cole is serenading me right now, before it was Ella Fitzgerald. I feel so classy.
I know this post is all over the place, like most of my posts. Which is probably because I have ADD tendencies, but I won't ever get medicated for it...
My last random thought: Bluestem Bistro. I went there last night, it's quite the happenin' place in Manhattan. After some analysis I've decided their mark up is huge. I bought an 8 oz. glass of chocolate milk for $1.60. I thought about it and realized I can go to Dillons and get a half a gallon for $1.50. I could make like 8 chocolate milks with that half gallon. I guess I pay an extra $1.20 for atmosphere? That doesn't seem right.
bye now.
Look! It's New Zealand!
School is going well, I think I've finally learned how to buckle down and truly study. Also, I'm taking classes that I can actually do well in. However, if I don't get working on my abnormal psych research paper soon I'm going to be in some serious trouble. I just got done taking an abnormal psych test and how is it that, being at the 505 level, was it easier than my gen psych tests (at the 110 level)? I would say because gen psych was taught by an eager grad. student, and not by a tenured professor.
Yesterday I finished reading Matthew. Now, I'm onto Mark. In my new ESV study bible I've decided not to write or underline anything in the Bible, I'll leave that to my other one. I'm doing this because in my other bible anytime anything is underlined, my eye drifts right to that verse or passage, ignoring all the others. I think it would be cool to open up the bible and have a different part speak to me in a different way each time.
I've been trying to get onto KSOL for the past 30 minutes. I think it's broken.
Also, I have some friends who are trying to get me to get a twitter account so all this past week I've been thinking of things that I would tweet. This morning I thought of this "Is there a yacht club at KSU? #fratty" seriously... A lot of guys on campus look like they're about to hop on a boat and soak in the sun...but we're in the middle of the country, there is a lake near-by, but I don't think that counts.
I'm listening to my favorite kind of music right now. I haven't been able to listen to music much lately just because I've been studying so much and I can't study and listen to music at the same time. Nat King Cole is serenading me right now, before it was Ella Fitzgerald. I feel so classy.
I know this post is all over the place, like most of my posts. Which is probably because I have ADD tendencies, but I won't ever get medicated for it...
My last random thought: Bluestem Bistro. I went there last night, it's quite the happenin' place in Manhattan. After some analysis I've decided their mark up is huge. I bought an 8 oz. glass of chocolate milk for $1.60. I thought about it and realized I can go to Dillons and get a half a gallon for $1.50. I could make like 8 chocolate milks with that half gallon. I guess I pay an extra $1.20 for atmosphere? That doesn't seem right.
bye now.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Library
I'm at Hale Library right now. It bugs me to death when people use the computers to do socially type things and not school-y type things.... and I'm doing that.
I applied for my passport today :)
I applied for my passport today :)
Monday, September 5, 2011
Oh My.
So first thing is first, 12 credit hours was probably the best decision ever.
I have so many thoughts in my mind right now that it's almost really hard to write them all out. So I guess I'll just kind of write it like a list.
1. Prince of Peace. One of my great friends, Kristin, brought this name to me. It is such a common name that we call our Lord, however, I don't think I have ever, and I mean ever, applied it to my life. Yesterday we were sitting in one of our Fav Manhattan spots and I shared with her how relaxed I was after the leaders retreat and how I now feel in no rush to push through the semester. My heart and mind are not in a chaotic panic, but right now I'm in so much peace.
2. The New Testament. I'm so excited to start reading the New Testament on Thursday. Mostly because reading through the last couple books of the Old Testament has made me so thankful that Jesus left Heaven to come for me and every one else. The love and compassion that must took astounds me. I have never experienced Heaven (of course), but I hope one day to walk through the gates and be in awe. It kills me to think of ever leaving, and Jesus did that for us.
3. Giving up. So I've been giving up certain things since school started. First I removed all of the games off of my cell phone. Next, I decided to stop playing Words with Friends. Right now, I really want to get rid of my smart phone and just have a phone that is just a phone and nothing extra. I'm also trying to figure out how to limit my FB use. I wouldn't say I use it too much, but I guess I could say how much I use it is probably too much. I want to only have an hour or two block in my day in which I allow myself to look at FB, if I'm out doing things in that hour, then I'm not allowed to use it until the next day. I guess I just want a little simplicity in my life. A little less connection to every stinking person I've ever known. I guess I want to develop relationships with people who I don't have to contact on FB, but through living true life together. At the Ichthus Leader's Retreat we discussed how churches should be full of what is necessary and ridded of whatever is unnecessary.
4. Prayer List. I just now decided that the best way to make sure I'm having a full prayer life is to make a list and actually stick to it. I'm going to write that list here. It seems private to me, so I'm a little scared to do it, but I feel like it's necessary.
- All the Beccas I know. I know quite a few of them and quite a few of them are constantly on my heart and my mind
-Ichthus growing and doing God's will for it
- Rev7:9 reaching international and multi-cultural students in God's Love
-My future- PA School/ New Zealand/ Timeline for jobs/ GRE
-Brian- to value the truth and see his self-worth
-Dad- Emotional and mental healing, opening up to those around him, getting rid of his facade, seeing his self worth and accepting him self
-Mom- physical healing of her knee
- School- achieving good grades with good focus and perseverance
- Time- being intentional and useful with my time
-The girls I work with
-Me- God would reveal my sin to me so that I could live a more purified life.
This photo that I found on flikr is my desktop background and it just reminds me how small I am and how grand He is.
I have so many thoughts in my mind right now that it's almost really hard to write them all out. So I guess I'll just kind of write it like a list.
1. Prince of Peace. One of my great friends, Kristin, brought this name to me. It is such a common name that we call our Lord, however, I don't think I have ever, and I mean ever, applied it to my life. Yesterday we were sitting in one of our Fav Manhattan spots and I shared with her how relaxed I was after the leaders retreat and how I now feel in no rush to push through the semester. My heart and mind are not in a chaotic panic, but right now I'm in so much peace.
2. The New Testament. I'm so excited to start reading the New Testament on Thursday. Mostly because reading through the last couple books of the Old Testament has made me so thankful that Jesus left Heaven to come for me and every one else. The love and compassion that must took astounds me. I have never experienced Heaven (of course), but I hope one day to walk through the gates and be in awe. It kills me to think of ever leaving, and Jesus did that for us.
3. Giving up. So I've been giving up certain things since school started. First I removed all of the games off of my cell phone. Next, I decided to stop playing Words with Friends. Right now, I really want to get rid of my smart phone and just have a phone that is just a phone and nothing extra. I'm also trying to figure out how to limit my FB use. I wouldn't say I use it too much, but I guess I could say how much I use it is probably too much. I want to only have an hour or two block in my day in which I allow myself to look at FB, if I'm out doing things in that hour, then I'm not allowed to use it until the next day. I guess I just want a little simplicity in my life. A little less connection to every stinking person I've ever known. I guess I want to develop relationships with people who I don't have to contact on FB, but through living true life together. At the Ichthus Leader's Retreat we discussed how churches should be full of what is necessary and ridded of whatever is unnecessary.
4. Prayer List. I just now decided that the best way to make sure I'm having a full prayer life is to make a list and actually stick to it. I'm going to write that list here. It seems private to me, so I'm a little scared to do it, but I feel like it's necessary.
- All the Beccas I know. I know quite a few of them and quite a few of them are constantly on my heart and my mind
-Ichthus growing and doing God's will for it
- Rev7:9 reaching international and multi-cultural students in God's Love
-My future- PA School/ New Zealand/ Timeline for jobs/ GRE
-Brian- to value the truth and see his self-worth
-Dad- Emotional and mental healing, opening up to those around him, getting rid of his facade, seeing his self worth and accepting him self
-Mom- physical healing of her knee
- School- achieving good grades with good focus and perseverance
- Time- being intentional and useful with my time
-The girls I work with
-Me- God would reveal my sin to me so that I could live a more purified life.
This photo that I found on flikr is my desktop background and it just reminds me how small I am and how grand He is.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
relaxation
Hi Friends.
This last week was great. I took my first Human Body test on Friday. I did okay, but there's still room to improve. Friday and Saturday was the Ichthus Leaders retreat, I loved it. It was so great to get out town with some of the coolest people I know and really talk and dwell on the future and vision of Ichthus as a church and where God is really leading us. I'm also excited that I will be in Manhattan next year so that I can still be apart of Ichthus' story.
One thing that has been totally reaffirmed to me is that this semester my focus is Micah 6:8. So my goal every day is to Walk Humbly, Love Kindness, and Do Justice. I told my former roommate Kristin that everyday I'm reminded that I don't do any of those things completely.
Something that was especially relieving to me is that this weekend that I did not focus at all on the school work that was waiting for me when I got home. That was great, my focus was away from that and I have such a hard time with that, that I was so excited when I was leaving the ranch and thought "I haven't even thought about homework for the last 24 hours, that's awesome!"
Time to go to church!
This last week was great. I took my first Human Body test on Friday. I did okay, but there's still room to improve. Friday and Saturday was the Ichthus Leaders retreat, I loved it. It was so great to get out town with some of the coolest people I know and really talk and dwell on the future and vision of Ichthus as a church and where God is really leading us. I'm also excited that I will be in Manhattan next year so that I can still be apart of Ichthus' story.
One thing that has been totally reaffirmed to me is that this semester my focus is Micah 6:8. So my goal every day is to Walk Humbly, Love Kindness, and Do Justice. I told my former roommate Kristin that everyday I'm reminded that I don't do any of those things completely.
Something that was especially relieving to me is that this weekend that I did not focus at all on the school work that was waiting for me when I got home. That was great, my focus was away from that and I have such a hard time with that, that I was so excited when I was leaving the ranch and thought "I haven't even thought about homework for the last 24 hours, that's awesome!"
Time to go to church!
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