Job

So today I realized I hadn't really written here all week! that's what I get for studying all waking hours of the day. However, I didn't really studying too much for my fifth and final test of the week that's tomorrow. I hope it's not too bad. For one of my tests I studied 1/4 of the wrong material...and managed to get a B. I can handle that. Tonight I took a P. Chem test. I feel pretty good about it, but I can't feel too good because the last time I felt good I got a D. Well, really a D +, but the plus doesn't really matter when it's a D, for crying out loud. I feel like I had a better study strategy for this last test, and was able to answer all the questions, now it's just down to whether or not my professor liked my answers.

Bonding and antibonding of Oxygen gas

That kind of stuff was on my P. Chem exam. It's actually kind of interesting once I can fully understand what is going on, so that's pretty nice.

Today I started reading Job (Jooooooob- long 'o', so not like employment) I'm so excited, I've never read Job and it's a book about suffering. Suffering is something that we have talked a lot about at various Ichthus things, so I'm super excited to fully learn and digest what that book of Job has for me. I only read 2 chapters today, but tomorrow I'm supposed to read 13... sometimes my little read the bible in a year thing divides things up pretty strangely. But, I'm learning about the times of suffering in my life, where God kind of stripped me of my worldly trusts so that I could search Him out and learn to put full hope and trust in Him.

Another thing I'm excited about is Easter. I love Easter. No, not because of the Easter bunny delivering all sorts of goodies, although, those goodies are nice, especially when they come in the form of Itunes gift cards. I really love Easter but that was when Jesus came back to life. The day he rose from the dead, showed unbelievers the holes in his hands where he was nailed to the cross. This is such a beautiful image. The son of God died for me, so that I could live this forgiven life. This life that doesn't end but becomes exponentially better once I have died here on earth. Today I began thinking of death, mostly because I was watching a Scrubs show on netflix where this woman said that she was never afraid of death until she was truly staring right at it. So I got to thinking, am I scared of death? I want to say no, but honestly I think I am. I kind of think it's okay too. I mean Jesus was scared of death, he asked God if that was the only way to save the people, and it was. Death is scary because no one, absolutely no one, knows fully what it is like. Which is why there are so many religions on earth, no body knows anything about death and what actually happens to the spirit/soul of the human.

I think it's so lovely to think about how people of souls. How we our bodies may not be invincible, but our soul lives forever. I also think that God has truly been revealing to me moments in my life where my soul wasn't truly aligned with what was right. I think He's also showing to me times where my soul truly dealt with hurt and suffering. I love, though, that we get to forgive and when we forgive, just like Jesus forgives, that our souls feel better. I would say my mind feels relieved when I forgive, but my soul feels different, as if forgiving was apart of my souls healing process.

I'm constantly being brought back to my very first year of college. I didn't know how to adapt far away, I was quiet and wasn't making friends, I was uncomfortable. So I moved home and thought everything would be much easier. No, classes were terribly difficult for my faith, my family was on the verge of being torn apart and I felt as though I didn't have a place in any of my communities. That year sucked. I hate thinking about how much pain I had to go through to get to where I am today. How much I've changed from that one year. How much more I understand what true forgiveness is. It's incredible the amount of love and teaching that God gives when I'm crying out to Him and when I'm so full of hurt. And what's even better is when that love that He gives to me is carried out in me, so that I can show love to those who are also hurting.

That was a lot of writing. I think that's good, especially since I've kind of lacked on that part.

This is me repelling down a cliff in Maine where the black flies were swarming like maniacs. This was the summer that I chose to remove myself from Kansas to learn a little more about the person God has made me to be and how to relate that to others.

That's it.