Almost Done

Hey.

The Bake sale is over! Isn't that awesome? That's one huge load off of my chest. All I have to do is write a little paper for that project, get my powerpoint slide ready, and present. Then I'm pretty much done with that. Super happy about that. We raised 80 dollars for National Organization of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders

Tomorrow's the banquet! Very excited to see all of my Ichthus friends dressed up and looking wonderful. It should be a lot of fun.

Because the past two days have been so busy I haven't done my bible reading. However, I was able to go on a run this morning which was wonderful because the weather was perfect. Maybe I'll get to go again tomorrow?
I'm dog sitting this weekend. So Violet and I have already had so much fun. We took left over bake sale items to my work, we went back to my apartment and she sniffed the place while I packed everything up. She's a pretty good side-kick, although sometimes she has to sit in the car because places won't let her in. They're discriminating against my little doggie!

Now, she's whining at me. That's not new. So I'm going to get on top of that bible reading right now. And possibly take a nap. Tonight is my night to myself and I'm pretty excited for it.

byyyyye!

Aging

Oh dear. So, I know I'm only 21, but seriously I feel so old compared to when I was oh, a mere 15.
So sure, I haven't gone running in over a month, so this morning was beautiful, I just had to. Lucky for me, unlike last weekend, this one is much more relaxed. All I really have to do is get things ready for my women's studies activism project, get things ready for the Ichthus banquet, write/memorize a 7-9 minute speech, and catch up on some reading. Oh wow, that does sound like a lot, but seriously not as bad as last weekend.
So back to running. Now, I know I'm out of shape because it hurts to breath hard. My throat gets sore, I cough up some lovely stuff and it's just not comfortable. But, I have no one to blame for that except my self. So while dodging little piles of doggie poop on the sidewalks, stuff in my body started hurting. Like my ankle was unhappy and so was my hip. At the age of 15...nothing like that ever hurt. So strange. I'm not old, but I do feel my aging ever so slightly.

Tomorrow I get to celebrate Jesus coming back to earth. Yesterday I really reflected on the purpose of Jesus who died for the human race. He died so that the consequences of our sins is taken from us, so long as we believe in Him. Also, for some reason the radio stations in Manhattan are really crappy and always playing commercials instead of actual music. But yesterday as I was really thinking about this stuff the christian radio stations were seriously blasting so great tunes for that time. I'm so thankful that I celebrate a God who wants to be celebrated and worshipped, so much that He would enhance that time for me in a such a small way, but making me feel so completely loved through it. That was a pretty long sentence and I'm hoping that that made sense.

This morning as I was running, I felt so different about things. I like running with no watch, no ipod, just me and the sound of my feet hitting the pavement so that I have no distractions. This is the time I really get to think and have little conversations with God. So as I was running back home something told me to just look to the sky. Seriously, most beautiful clouds/sun rising ever. The clouds were a dark blue, with dimples in them so that every once and a while they would break apart and there the sun beams would shine through. So gorgeous, my words do no justice. It's so great to me that almost every aspect of my day is somehow turned to Him and how His beauty shines through everywhere.

Last night I met up with an old friend. She shared with me the details of her college life, her college friends, her college everything. I love her so much, but hearing her stories just makes me so sad. It makes me see the lives that we live are so different. It makes me see the way the world just wants us to live. I have to, I mean really, have to start praying for her. I have to start being more diligent with things like that. I hope that she could see that I do love her and care for her so much that I want her to see and believe the same things I do. I don't want to seem judgmental. Is that judgmental? I don't think it is. I hope it didn't come off that way.

Time get started on that speech.

Job

So today I realized I hadn't really written here all week! that's what I get for studying all waking hours of the day. However, I didn't really studying too much for my fifth and final test of the week that's tomorrow. I hope it's not too bad. For one of my tests I studied 1/4 of the wrong material...and managed to get a B. I can handle that. Tonight I took a P. Chem test. I feel pretty good about it, but I can't feel too good because the last time I felt good I got a D. Well, really a D +, but the plus doesn't really matter when it's a D, for crying out loud. I feel like I had a better study strategy for this last test, and was able to answer all the questions, now it's just down to whether or not my professor liked my answers.

Bonding and antibonding of Oxygen gas

That kind of stuff was on my P. Chem exam. It's actually kind of interesting once I can fully understand what is going on, so that's pretty nice.

Today I started reading Job (Jooooooob- long 'o', so not like employment) I'm so excited, I've never read Job and it's a book about suffering. Suffering is something that we have talked a lot about at various Ichthus things, so I'm super excited to fully learn and digest what that book of Job has for me. I only read 2 chapters today, but tomorrow I'm supposed to read 13... sometimes my little read the bible in a year thing divides things up pretty strangely. But, I'm learning about the times of suffering in my life, where God kind of stripped me of my worldly trusts so that I could search Him out and learn to put full hope and trust in Him.

Another thing I'm excited about is Easter. I love Easter. No, not because of the Easter bunny delivering all sorts of goodies, although, those goodies are nice, especially when they come in the form of Itunes gift cards. I really love Easter but that was when Jesus came back to life. The day he rose from the dead, showed unbelievers the holes in his hands where he was nailed to the cross. This is such a beautiful image. The son of God died for me, so that I could live this forgiven life. This life that doesn't end but becomes exponentially better once I have died here on earth. Today I began thinking of death, mostly because I was watching a Scrubs show on netflix where this woman said that she was never afraid of death until she was truly staring right at it. So I got to thinking, am I scared of death? I want to say no, but honestly I think I am. I kind of think it's okay too. I mean Jesus was scared of death, he asked God if that was the only way to save the people, and it was. Death is scary because no one, absolutely no one, knows fully what it is like. Which is why there are so many religions on earth, no body knows anything about death and what actually happens to the spirit/soul of the human.

I think it's so lovely to think about how people of souls. How we our bodies may not be invincible, but our soul lives forever. I also think that God has truly been revealing to me moments in my life where my soul wasn't truly aligned with what was right. I think He's also showing to me times where my soul truly dealt with hurt and suffering. I love, though, that we get to forgive and when we forgive, just like Jesus forgives, that our souls feel better. I would say my mind feels relieved when I forgive, but my soul feels different, as if forgiving was apart of my souls healing process.

I'm constantly being brought back to my very first year of college. I didn't know how to adapt far away, I was quiet and wasn't making friends, I was uncomfortable. So I moved home and thought everything would be much easier. No, classes were terribly difficult for my faith, my family was on the verge of being torn apart and I felt as though I didn't have a place in any of my communities. That year sucked. I hate thinking about how much pain I had to go through to get to where I am today. How much I've changed from that one year. How much more I understand what true forgiveness is. It's incredible the amount of love and teaching that God gives when I'm crying out to Him and when I'm so full of hurt. And what's even better is when that love that He gives to me is carried out in me, so that I can show love to those who are also hurting.

That was a lot of writing. I think that's good, especially since I've kind of lacked on that part.

This is me repelling down a cliff in Maine where the black flies were swarming like maniacs. This was the summer that I chose to remove myself from Kansas to learn a little more about the person God has made me to be and how to relate that to others.

That's it.

The weekend

Aw, so I'm exhausted. It seems like once or twice a semester (outside of finals week) all of my tests fall in the same week. This is good for 1 reason: I actually get to celebrate Easter (my 2nd favorite holiday). This is bad for a multitude of other reasons, too much work is the main one.
I'm trying to remain calm, not thinking about how overwhelmed I actually am.

I think after tomorrow I'll be a little better, that knocks 3 of the 5 off of my plate.
I'm trying to think of something wacky to put on a black t-shirt that I wear to a blacklight party. I'm pretty excited for it.

The past week my life has been a series of to-do lists. I love those, keeps me so focused to get everything done.
Also, I'm learning so much about self-control. Mostly, I really want to go see my brother in Jersey this summer, but I don't want to have to ask my mom and dad for any support. So by saying 'no' to a couple of things I don't necessarily need, but pretty much want, has really taught me to see great goals beyond the immediate moment.

This has once again, not been a very coherent entry, but then again I feel like my brain is fried, and there is still so much to do. bye

Kansas

Hmm, Kansas. You're so interesting. I complied a list of funny named towns in Kansas.
Bel Aire, Cuba, Holland, Coats, Oscar, Dunlap, Effingham, Gas, Havana, Peabody, Hope, Isabel, Maize, Medicine Lodge, Milan, Montezuma, Moscow, Powhattan, Princeton, Protection.

I think my favorite is Montezuma. So funny.

This morning something hilarious happened. Apparently last night one of my roommates had a horrifying dream, woke up and heard something quite strange in our apartment. So what does she do? Naturally, She runs to my other roommate's room and asks if she can sleep with her. Of course, when you wake someone up in the middle of a REM cycle, they aren't going to remember anything like that. So this roommate says 'sure, go ahead'. At 6:45 am the owner of the bed looks to the other roommate and says "um, what are you doing in here?" So she explains what happened again. Weird... 20+ year olds having bad dreams and running scared into someone else's bed.

HAPPY FRIDAY.

Another Day

So before I head off to class and another busy day begins, I have 5 minutes to write a little.

One thing really. I think it's amazing how God can speak. Over the past couple of weeks I think I've really began to understand how living by faith and not by sight is truly something that has to be implemented in my spiritual walk. It never astounds me that when God is truly speaking to me and I'm not listening how He does not give up. Not until I listen, and when I do and missed all of those other times I feel like a super idiot. A girl, who is extremely wise, said at life group last night that our lives aren't supposed to be perfect or flawless. There will be hurt, suffering, and pain. I believe the root of all of those terrible emotions and feelings is sin. But somehow, like the Bible says, God uses all these moments to help us learn and grow.
We have been talking a lot about suffering lately and only last night did I realize a pretty significant time in my life where I truly was suffering, where I was just kind of hanging on and hurting. It's amazing how God used that time to pull me out of my element and teach some incredible things about myself and Him. It is amazing how much He truly loves us. I have been feeling His love so much lately. and I cannot describe it. Like I know my mom loves me and I can feel her love, but God's love for me feels so different, so empowering, so perfect. It really is incredible.

time for me to get to class!

I've lost count

I'm sure I could go back and count all the days I've missed, but I don't want to.

I don't have much to share. I have lots of pre-studying to do before next weekend, when the real studying happens because I think I have 5 exams that week. Crazy, I know, it might as well be finals week, but it's not.

So for my Women's Studies class we have to do an activism project. My group members and I are having a bake sale to raise money for National organization of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders. I know it seems a little ironic, bake sales for eating disorders??? It is, but I think we could really market it in a fun, friendly way. We're going to have things other than cookies too! I'm going to try to make granola bars, for a healthier snack, hopefully my friend who is known for making great granola can lend me a hand. I'm pretty excited for this project. I can't wait to present it to the class and even if it is a small amount that we are able to donate, I'm glad we'll be able to do it. People who have eating disorders have a terrible self image and ANAD helps set up support groups and confrences in the area so that people struggling with these disease can overcome it. Visit their website.

Well, I have lots of little things to do today, so that I'm not overwhelmed with lots of big things to do tomorrow.

The Ninety Third

Hello internet world.

I made it through my Monday classes! Can I get a hip-hip hooray?
Ah, so windy outside. I don't know why I'm always so surprised by the wind...I mean I do live in Kansas it is known for being windy. I mean two words: Dust Bowl.
Last night my chicken cattiatore was an Ichthus hit. I brought up my idea of having a Barn party and calling it "Hickthus" and no one thought it was a good idea (except for my roommate, who always seems to like my ideas)
Another thing about dinner last night. It's so neat that people in Ichthus are so passionate about other things. These people literally want to change the world, they want to leave an impression and an impact. I respect that so much. Members of Ichthus aren't there solely to stick their heads in the bible and put "Jesus Loves Me" stickers on their notebooks. They truly have a desire to live as Jesus did and spread his love and his activism around K-State and the world. That is so great.

Today in my women's studies class I learned that lots of people look down on C-sections as a form of childbirth. That is actually how I came into the world. I've never had one of those things personally, or experienced a healing process that is similar, but I do feel kind of shocked about it. This one girl in my class spoke about how she has seen a million documentaries on healthcare and maternity and knows that there is a lot that M.D's will not tell there patients, just so that there will be less work for them. So now I start getting defensive because of several reasons. 1. We all know that most documentaries, while informative, are told with a bias. I love documentaries, but most of the stuff I learn from them I must take with a grain of sand. 2. I respect people in the M.D. position. That is not an easy job to get, and once you get there you are overworked, pretty underpaid if your working in family medicine for how much schooling and knowledge you have and quite often people will question your diagnosis.
The girl in my class said that giving birth while laying on your back with your feet propped up is probably the worst position you could give birth, but this is how it is done. Oh, so that's the doctors fault? Imagine delivering about 400 babies a year, and standing crouched underneath a screaming woman, trying to make sure that the human being she is pushing out is not going to go crashing down to the floor...and then working for another 30 years. No, that's impossible, doctors would have so many bad occupational markers and back problems that that time span in which they can viably work in obstetrics will be quite shortened. All I have to say is there is nothing wrong with the way it is done. I just don't like disrespect, I mean the people who make those documentaries probably didn't go to medical school, probably didn't participate in a residency or a fellowship so they probably have no expert opinion to actually be making a documentary about it. There sole purpose is to probably make something seem worse than it actually is.

Wow, that was a bit of a rant. Sorry. I just sometimes find things like that a little outlandish, and sometimes I just have to say something about it.
bye

The Ninety First

Ah. This weekend has been lovely. Minimal homework, lots of roommate hang out time. Going to KSU baseball game. I like it. I'm sorry my blogs posts haven't been that interesting. I do have something very exciting to share. I know I've talked a lot about how my Women's Studies class really stretches and collides with a lot of my really firm beliefs, but I'm seriously considering minoring in Women's Studies. I only have to take 12 more hours and it can be in classes that aren't women studies, but women focused (like pysch of women, mental health issues and women). Those sorts of classes are things that I'm pretty interested in. Mostly I'm excited because I can make this work with my remaining three semesters at K-State. Not only does this work out well, but it will make me look like a different candidate at PA school.
So hopefully when I graduate I will end with a B.S. in Biology with minors in Chemistry and Women Studies. AHHHH. I'm kind of so excited about it.

So my friend Mary has introduced me to 8tracks.com and I highly recommend this place. It's awesome. No commercials and much better than Pandora!

I'm rounding out reading 2 Chronicles. I'm excited to start Ezra. Chronicles has been great, but it's basically a recap on Kings, so I'm excited to move beyond that.

It really stinks thinking you did AWESOME and then learning you did not (cough, PCHEM, cough)

Ok, that's it.