Sweet Day Off

Well, as the title of this blog post suggests, I had the day off today.

Here's what I did:

First, I went to the dentist and had my teeth cleaned. I successfully passed the "have you been flossing" test with almost flying colors, gotta work on my back bottom teeth better. This may sound weird, but I take a lot of value in how well the dentist says my teeth look. I'm psychotic. Anyway, I took the mandatory parting gift of a toothbrush, dental floss and a small tube of tooth paste. 

I then went to clean a house that I sometimes clean because that person is too busy to clean it themselves. It wasn't as dirty as it had been in the past, but I definitely wore my cleaning gloves.

After that I came home and ate a quick lunch and headed over to my neighbors house to play with their dog, Betty. I'm housesitting for them and I feel bad that Betty spends a lot of time alone so I try to play with her, but I get tired easily.

I then came home to find Violet sleeping in her bed like this. 

So precious.

I started some delicious bread in the bread maker.

I made started a pot roast this morning and this is it about half-way done. I hope it's good. The beef stock that I poured in was a little questionable so I hope that doesn't affect the taste.

I then started working on note cards of Bible verses that I love. It was suggested to me, through a book study group that I've been attending that this is a great way to get daily encouragement. Write the verse on the front, write how you fit into it on the back.

One of the verses I put down:

"On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem:
      "Fear not, O Zion, Let not your hands grow weak. The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice with gladness; He will quiet you by his love; He will exult over you with loud singing."
           Zephaniah 3:16-17


AHHH. I LOVE THIS. He is here and he will be here to save us. And not only cannot I not wait for this moment, HE cannot wait for this moment. Gladness, Love, Singing reminds me of one great party. An unforgettable moment that I wish to relive. This verse just stunned me. It's so beautiful and I'm so excited now.

I promised that my next blog would have some Jesus stuff in it. So it will.

Over the entire Spring semester I was kind of angry at God. I mean I loved him, but I was pretty irritated. Like when your mom, who gave birth to you and is one of your greatest friends, shrinks your favorite sweater. I still love her, but shoot, am I mad. I was mad because I didn't have a good "story". My life hasn't been filled with dramatic heartbreak, disaster or sickness. How am I supposed to resonate with people if I've never experienced true tragedy, God?!? Really, what I was saying was: Gee, God Thanks so much for making my life so wonderful... In a sarcastic voice. How dare I, right? Well. The answer came to me the other night and that answer is: my parents. While, my parents were new believers when they had me, they constantly heard sermons on the fact that they MUST be praying for their children. So they did just that. They prayed for me and God has truly, truly provided for me. He has given me the supreme love and given me anything I have ever needed and wanted.

The other weekend I went to a "college" party. I hated it. I'm not fun there. I don't like to drink. I don't like to drive after I have drank even just a little. And I really don't like the company that shows up to those sorts of things.  While there, I realized how quickly and easily things can spiral out of control. So I forced myself to leave and not be there. After leaving, I was once again frustrated with the world, sick with sinfulness, tired of being here, wishing at some point that I could just be free of my inhibitions. Looking back on that, I really do love that. I love it because I am so tuned in and aware of the fact that I'm not of this world and my life is fleeting. My inhibitions are not only am I scared of those things, but that I serve a God. A creator of this huge earth and he has spoken life into me and that I am supposed to HATE earthly and secular rituals. There is a greater purpose to be served drinking, partying and destructive habits are not apart of it.

About a week and a half ago my great aunt died. She has basically had some form of cancer for my entire life. What a fighter. She recently moved from Reno, NV to Boise, ID and in the process caught pneumonia. While, I'm not so connected with my extended family, this woman was a huge support to my dad for his entire life. I knew that he was nervous when getting ready to head to Idaho for the week as the relationships within his family are severely hurt due to lies, secrets and such. In fact, my dad and his father have not talked in a number of years because of all this hurt. I knew immediately that My God can heal this. He can make it right. My mom and I and my church community started praying for healing, reconciliation, humbling, conviction, ANYTHING. and you know what? it happened. My dad and his dad (I guess my grandfather, but I've never really met him and I think grandfather implies I know him and have a relationship with him) hugged and spoke and made amends. How beautiful and perfect. Wow.

That's it for now. I must go check the roast.

Brooke

Summer Recap

I kind of just want to start from the beginning of summer. It's not going to be that exciting because I usually spend about 40 hours a week in a fluorescent-light filled building. Somethings have been fun though. I think it might make this a picture recap!

Right before school ended I BOLDLY cut my hair. I'm not one for drastic changes, so naturally my hairdresser had to convince me to allow her to cut 7-8 inches of hair off my head.

Before:

After:

I guess it's grown a little since then. Which is nice, I want to one day be able to put it in a ponytail again. I guess this was a big deal to me just because I have such a big mouth and tell everyone pretty much everything I'm thinking and I didn't tell anyone about this. So I got to shock all of my friends. I got the idea from Kate.


After that happened, it was graduation weekend and lots of my buddies graduated so I was able to go to their parties and bid them farewell.
Here is Colleen and I. I met this great girl when I was a freshman in high school. We were in the same biology class, we dissected the same frog and I just loved her sense of humor. Colleen is someone I can be so honest with and I'm so grateful for our friendship. I'll miss her when she moves off to Wichita, but who knows...maybe I'll be living there next summer.

Then Brian graduated! The picture is of Brian and Soo making silly faces at one (yes, Brian had more than one, he deserved it though) of Brian's graduation party. I first met Brian, I think as a Sophomore in high school. He was dating one of my best buddies. When I transferred to KSU I saw him at Ichthus and he got me involved in the small group he was leading. Brian is super smart, wise and laid-back.  Also, just like Colleen I'm always thankful for Brian's sense of humor. It's much different than most people you meet! He's off to Arkansas. Who knows...maybe I'll be living in that state next summer too?! I'll go where ever I can get in to PA school.

Then Mary Beth graduated. What a fun roommate, mentor and seeker of Jesus. I've always been thankful for this girl's desire to be a disciple and to teach others how to be a disciple. Her love for the Lord is beautiful. She'll be in KC next year. I won't be there, there aren't any PA schools there. 

I finally went to Manhattan Hill and took in the lush Kansas view. It's been so hot this summer. I'm becoming quite acclimated to 100+ degree temperatures. I can't wait to wear long jeans again, I just love jeans.

My friend Mary and I stopped by a little house concert at a house hidden in Westmoreland, KS. They used world maps as curtains.

I've definitely been enjoying the sunsets this summer since I don't work in the evenings.

Kristin came and lived with my parents and I this summer. We got to hang out with Soo a lot. Kristin is such a great friend and I was super thankful to have her here for part of the summer.

This frog decided to live on my porch for a while.

Rebecca Doll came to town. I love visiting with this girl. She has such a desire for knowledge. Her kindness is so sweet. We went to The Flint Hills Discovery Museum and really enjoyed the giant elevator they had there, oh, and all the info about the prairie was cool too.

Hanging out with Soo a ton this summer. I love that we have been able to teach each other so much while she's been here. I'm trying to figure out a way to go visit her on my semester off when she returns to Korea.

Trying new drinks this summer. I also had a decent outfit on, so I had to share this photo.

I tried to make garlic bread in the toaster. It ended up just burning the one side of the bread. :(

We're trying to be more eco-friendly! This day my mom and I were able to use all of the bags we brought and no plastic bags were used for our groceries (except for wrapping up fresh fruit and veggies). This is kind of a big deal for my mom. The way she sees it, she has another 40 years max, and if we're up to our eyeballs in our used plastic products it won't matter to her. Still love her

I tried to make Sweet Potato Fries.

They looked so good.

They tasted so bad

and if I hadn't burnt these sweet rolls, they would have been really good.

So let's say my summer cooking expeditions haven't been going so well, but there's lots of time to practice.

I'll have a Jesus update next time. I type all day at work, and all this typing just now has me worn out.

Seeeee ya!

Summer is half way over!

I've been really bad about writing this summer.

My job at the orthopaedics clinic is going well. There are days I like it, there are days I don't mind it, there are days when I wish I had an easier job. I love most of the people I work with, but, as with any work place, there are a few people who I wouldn't miss if they weren't working there.

Training was very difficult for me. I trained for over 6 weeks, side-by-side with another CNA and by the end of the 3rd week I didn't want her help any longer and I didn't want her telling me what to do any longer. I was definitely sick of her. I kind of remember a turning point where we got pretty busy and we had to be in separate rooms pretty much all day and from that day forward I knew I could do it on my own.

It does suck that every day I mess up something, or I have someone tell me I did something wrong or like today when a doctor stops me in the hallway and tells me not to use the word bicep with shoulder pain... in front of all my fellow CNAs. I keep reminding myself that I will eventually get it all together, but it would be nicer if that happened sooner.

This summer I've been spending lots of time with my sweet Korean friend, Soo. We read the bible together, we eat ice cream together, we go to bbq's together...pretty much all of my favorite things to do. She's so great and I'm so excited to have met her and I'm pretty sad that she's going back to Korea in December.

Oh Yes. December. I'm graduating!! It's really weird to think that in 5 short months my undergraduate degree will be complete and now I just wait to hear back from PA schools. It's definitely going to be pretty weird hanging around Manhattan for the spring semester and not going to school, but the break will be welcomed.

I have much more to say and lots of pictures of projects to share, but I wake up really early in the morning for this job of mine so it's almost 10:30 which means I'm quite tired.

Things I learned from working in a Nursing Home

Well, from the last time. I was offered an accepted a job as a CNA at Meadowlark Hills. The day after I did that I was offered an interview at the orthopedic sports medicine center. I waited from about a week and a half for the interview a couple days later I was offered and accepted the job. I'm very excited for it. I start on Thursday. I can't wait to learn everything there. This means I had to give my boss of two weeks at Meadowlark my two weeks notice. It was awkward. Mostly because I'm not used to letting people down to do something good for myself. It was definitely selfish and I hate selfish. So yesterday happened to be my last day and now I'm going to reflect on my 3 week stint as a CNA at a nursing home.

1. Life sometimes doesn't end so easy. Some people we needed to use mechanical lifts to just get them out of bed into their wheel chairs. I can't imagine having lived a good life and reach the near end and to be living off of machines to move around because I'm not mobile.

2. Touch is good. I'm not a touchy person. I have never really been. But, a lot of time the elderly just needs a warm hand to hold or a nice pat on the back. This usually makes them a lot more responsive to me, which is really great.

3. Everyone poops. I'm not ashamed of this with my family, but with anyone else I'm extremely uncomfortable with bathroom humor. I'm very excited not to be working with "BM" (bowel movements) any longer. I guess I can say I'm a little bit more advanced in my poop knowledge now.

4. We all need love. One night a 100 year old women told me I needed to find a man because I wasn't getting any younger. As if I needed this reminder. But she shared with me that she was married at the age of 18 and now her son from this marriage is in his 80s and hasn't been doing well because of a stroke he suffered. He stays at another facility, but she misses him terribly. She loves her great-grand babies and she's constantly talking about them. She talked about how she would love more visitors, like the other residents get.

5. Death is inevitable. This is not to say that I didn't know this before I started there, but one of or residents did die while I was there. Life is so fleeting before you're constrained by your debilitating sickness

6. Sometimes you have to be spoon fed.  I guess it's okay. It makes things easier, but sometimes it's not the best for you.

7. If you have the ability to do something, don't tell yourself that you don't. I'm not a person who is really needy and I want to be this way when I get to be elderly. I want to never let myself be defeated by thoughts that don't build me up.


That's about it. It was a really unique experience, I didn't enjoy it, but sometimes learning good things isn't fun.

Fools Day

Happy April 1. Happy Palm Sunday

I've been doing just a small about of studying and lots of praying today. More than usual, and my usual is not enough. It is incredible how free my soul feels right now. The peace that God can bring... wow. I can't even describe it. I'm not making any major life decisions or having any sort of tragedy in my life, either. This means great things for me, because I especially lean on God in those moments and once I get through it I depend less on Him. So I spent much more time praying today, listening to the prayers of others, listening to God.

I constantly ask Him to make my heart and mind purer and my attitude better. He definitely just made me see how I can do that and I will most definitely need His help, but I'm so glad to have a great counselor to guide me.

Since March 11, which was the last time I wrote I've applied at several places around Manhattan as a CNA and last Monday I had an interview at Meadowlark Hills. This is probably the largest retirement home/ long term care facility in Manhattan. I desperately didn't want to do this, I wanted to be in a physician's office seeing all the cool things that they deal with every day. I was worried that I didn't interview well, and this was really my last hope for a job in Manhattan. I had advised a back up plan to move and work in Wichita this summer because I didn't feel this working out. Well, friday evening I got a call to come in for a second interview. I can't say I'm really that excited, but I've really be praying lately  that I would be obedient to God's calling for me. "If you say go, go." sort of thing. I don't think I have to feel excited, but I must be willing to serve where I am. So if Meadowlark Hills is where God wants me, that's where I'll be, trying do my very best work for Him.

Also, Frank Martin left KSU and they hired Bruce Weber. I don't really have an opinion, lots of people are saying that Frank leaving KSU was not really what the media said it was and lots of people are upset with the hire of Bruce Weber. Just like we gave Frank the chance, this guy totally deserves a chance too. That's all I have to say about that.

So my mission until... well, until forever is "Less of me, more of Him."

Time

I don't really have time to write, but I have so many thoughts in my head because I haven't had the time to write. I figure, it wouldn't hurt to take 10 minutes to get these down, not on paper, but on internet?? that doesn't make any sense, but I'll go with it.

The other day I was at the doctor's office, because I had to get some medication refilled and they told me I had to come in (which, my doctor thought was crazy when I told her that). I over heard a conversation going on between two women, but so did everyone else because they were talking so loud in the waiting room. They talked about about K-State students were wild party-ers, how they had no respect for the older generation, how they were all attached to their cell phone and caused lots of car accidents that way. They also both mentioned that they were from out of town because the medical offices in their towns only had PAs at the most. I feel like they were trying to push my buttons, because I'm a K-State student, soon-to-be PA (hopefully) and they had just spent 15 minutes talking about how both of those were no good. I wanted to join their conversation, kind of show them that the world isn't filled with rude young people and PAs who can't take care of their patients... but I didn't.

From that experience and having thought about it a lot since then I've realized how much of my life is filled with fear and insecurity. Things like not speaking up, things like looking to the future and feeling so much uncertainty, things like being good enough, things like not really having a ton of friends.

Well, then I ran across a blog that I've slowly been going through Scare Yourself and while this man's version of scaring himself is much unlike my version of scaring myself, I've realized that pretty much everyone lives in fear. Is it because we love routine? we hate rejection? While, I'm not scaring myself everyday I'm putting an honest effort into making myself really uncomfortable. For me this is doing things alone with people I only sorta know. It also means speaking up when I need to. It means faking confidence when placed in front of large groups of people. and every time I've made myself uncomfortable, the uneasiness quickly fades and an accomplished feeling comes quickly. I feel like this makes me appreciate people and life more.

I finished reading the Bible, the whole thing. And to be completely honest with my 1 maybe 2 readers... I haven't picked it up since. I apparently love structure. So, there it is I need to find structure so that I'm constantly reading and learning the word. I never put-off anything, but this is something I've been putting off.

I'm still looking for a job. I've put in quite a few resumes, but haven't been contacted. I think, maybe, possibly, hopefully, the places I've applied to are waiting for Kansas Dep't of Health to say that I passed my certification test. I'm hoping that's the case. All in all, I'm waiting on God.

I have more thoughts, but I also have an ecology test tomorrow. So that wins.

Trust and Love

I love spending time looking at flickr. It's so funny how we love beauty. Well, it's not really, but it is so interesting that we seek beauty and find pleasure in being in beauty. I believe this picture was taken in Brazil. How neat to be able to travel the planet and stare into creation somewhere but here. Knowing that there is so much more beauty out there than just beautiful Kansas and beautiful America makes me want to see it all.

As far as looking for a job goes I have really left it up in the hands of God. I'm not one to do this, I love control and instant gratification so this is a little scary for me. I know that I'm a small part in His big plan, that He has better ideas for me than I have for myself. I have proof. Monday I received a call from Mercy wanting to know if I wanted to volunteer on the oncology floor. They only offered me times that I didn't have class. I had forgotten that in August I told them to give me a call if they ever had something come open. Yes August was when I said that. They didn't call last semester while I was taking human body and overwhelmed by it. They didn't call during winter break when I was taking a much much needed rest for 4 weeks. They didn't call in January when I was taking my CNA class and didn't really have time. They called right when I needed them to call. I know getting into PA school is in God's hands anyway, so getting a job, which would be supplemental to me getting in, is also in His hands. Seriously, who would love me that much?!?

Valentine's Day was great. I got to spend it with great friends and played games celebrating the fact that although we are all single we still have the greatest love of all, Jesus. I love that Valentine's day is a day to recognize the love in your life. I realize people use it to spoil their spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend, but really reflecting on true love made me see how lucky I am to know God.

My heart and mind have been recently really challenged with the way I live. I remember Jan. 1 saying that this year was going to be a different year and I knew that God is working something big. He is. My idea of living/loving/giving is totally evolving and I'm becoming uncomfortable with my currently comfortable lifestyle. I don't know what this means and my mind is still learning, so I don't know. I've been convicted recently about feeling like a passion-less person. So perhaps that is it, perhaps I need to start advocating for someone else other than myself. I'm trying to figure it out and I know God will show it to me when my heart is ready.

I had my first biology exams this week. The ecology one I got a 98% on. This is probably the hardest thing for me to learn, especially since I sleep through most of the class, so I was super proud. In college I started praying that God would help me out on exams. Each semester my prayer changes a little. While I'm studying for exams I pray that God would give me focus and attention. The day before the exam I pray that God would let me see anything that I may have disregarded that is super important. The hour before the exam I ask God to infiltrate my intuition and remind me to follow my gut, allow me to remember everything we'd prepared for. And there. 98%. amazing.


As usual, life is going quite well. We've been sharing our testimonies in 2:42's and I'm trying to figure out if I actually have one.