Time

I don't really have time to write, but I have so many thoughts in my head because I haven't had the time to write. I figure, it wouldn't hurt to take 10 minutes to get these down, not on paper, but on internet?? that doesn't make any sense, but I'll go with it.

The other day I was at the doctor's office, because I had to get some medication refilled and they told me I had to come in (which, my doctor thought was crazy when I told her that). I over heard a conversation going on between two women, but so did everyone else because they were talking so loud in the waiting room. They talked about about K-State students were wild party-ers, how they had no respect for the older generation, how they were all attached to their cell phone and caused lots of car accidents that way. They also both mentioned that they were from out of town because the medical offices in their towns only had PAs at the most. I feel like they were trying to push my buttons, because I'm a K-State student, soon-to-be PA (hopefully) and they had just spent 15 minutes talking about how both of those were no good. I wanted to join their conversation, kind of show them that the world isn't filled with rude young people and PAs who can't take care of their patients... but I didn't.

From that experience and having thought about it a lot since then I've realized how much of my life is filled with fear and insecurity. Things like not speaking up, things like looking to the future and feeling so much uncertainty, things like being good enough, things like not really having a ton of friends.

Well, then I ran across a blog that I've slowly been going through Scare Yourself and while this man's version of scaring himself is much unlike my version of scaring myself, I've realized that pretty much everyone lives in fear. Is it because we love routine? we hate rejection? While, I'm not scaring myself everyday I'm putting an honest effort into making myself really uncomfortable. For me this is doing things alone with people I only sorta know. It also means speaking up when I need to. It means faking confidence when placed in front of large groups of people. and every time I've made myself uncomfortable, the uneasiness quickly fades and an accomplished feeling comes quickly. I feel like this makes me appreciate people and life more.

I finished reading the Bible, the whole thing. And to be completely honest with my 1 maybe 2 readers... I haven't picked it up since. I apparently love structure. So, there it is I need to find structure so that I'm constantly reading and learning the word. I never put-off anything, but this is something I've been putting off.

I'm still looking for a job. I've put in quite a few resumes, but haven't been contacted. I think, maybe, possibly, hopefully, the places I've applied to are waiting for Kansas Dep't of Health to say that I passed my certification test. I'm hoping that's the case. All in all, I'm waiting on God.

I have more thoughts, but I also have an ecology test tomorrow. So that wins.