Yesterday I was talking with a friend and I asked her, "Do I come off as intimidating?" I thought the answer would be so clear. "No." but it wasn't. The answer was kind, because she's a kind girl. She said to me "you have a clear plan, you know where you want to go, and you're very matter-of-fact." I love her, because I wouldn't accept this answer from anyone else. I think that was the christian way of saying i'm a little (for lack of a better word) "bitchy". Ah, yes. I used that word, I hate that word. I don't want to be perceived that way. I prayed that God would soften my heart, make me realize that I can be like that, refine me. Then it kind of came to me that people are going to view me whatever way they feel like, even if I do become more refined. I shouldn't care about how I come off, however I think that keeps me from making friends. I believe I know where I'm going because God has told me where I'm going, I believe I'm very matter-of-fact because that's how I think. I don't appreciate people who beat around the bush, I appreciate truth, honesty and love.
Please understand, I'm not making excuses for myself. I know I'm rough around the edges. I know there are things I think, things I say, things I do that aren't for God. When my friend told me that I can probably be seen that way I realized that I will forever be a work in progress. If one person says that about me, it doesn't speak for everyone.
It typically does take me a while to warm up to someone, I know this about me. It truly is about me, not them, I'm mostly intimidated by every new person I meet. I'm a die-hard introvert and meeting people can be a scary anxious situation for me.
I even saw this in myself on the first day of CNA clinicals everyone called me quiet. I'm not quiet, I'm an observer. I love to take it all in and then decide for myself if it is worth investing in. The second day of class I was much more open, talkative. I don't know why I'm like this...but I am. CNA clinicals are going well. They aren't too bad and we have 10 of 45 hours already completed. Tomorrow is an 8hr day...yikes.
Classes are going well. I'm currently taking medical ethics, human parasitology, intro to stats, and ecology. I have more on those, but I will talk about those later.
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