Hello again.
I got out of class at 10:45am today and since I've had no pressing homework/school work issues to take care of I've basically been recuperating from last weekend, organizing, reading, a nice quiet cool afternoon.
My CNA class is almost over! and I've already applied at one doctor's office. I want a job, like pronto. I hate not working (although, this afternoon sure has been nice). My first night "on the courts" as they call it at the long term care facility that I have my clinicals at was not anything I was impressed with. The CNA and CMA were dramatic, didn't like their jobs, didn't like the act of service, didn't take good care of their residents. It made me really sad and kind of sickened with the thought that one day (a long long time from now) I could be one of those residents with crazy twenty year old girls taking "care" of me. I was really shocked by the experience.
Last night I had another clinical and I went in with the mentality of let's just get this over with. The first hour and a half we talked as a class. Then I was with another CNA on a different court. This CNA was like a gazillion times better than the other one. She was kind and loving towards her residents and she didn't mind teaching me things. The residents loved her and she really did have an attitude of service. I was grateful for her.
The difference between these two CNAs, I think, was where their lives were taking them. The first one was going to school to become a history teacher and had gotten her CNA in high school because her mom made her. The other one is a pre-nursing student and she really had a completely different attitude. It was like a completely different experience. Just makes me see how the people I work with really determine the mood and atmosphere of a place.
Last weekend was the Ichthus women's retreat. This is why I'm recovering in the middle of the week from the weekend. We stayed up late, woke up early and had so much spiritual talk that my head, heart, and soul were full and tired. I wouldn't say that this weekend was a "spiritual high" for me. Although, I would say that I can say that comparing my heart from this women's retreat to the one I went to two years ago, I would say that I have matured so much and God has done a lot of good work in my life. We talked about conflict management, and that was one thing I think I could really use some work on. I want my mind and thoughts to so badly glorify the Lord and sometimes (most times) that doesn't happen. It was great to learn how our speaker dealt with the conflict in her life. I was amazed by the power of prayer and God's voice. I realized I need to spend more time talking and listening to God and less time feeding myself mindless time-consuming crap. I also began to see how I am part of the older ichthus crowd now. While, there were a lot of girls around my age there I was on the extremities of old age!! That feels so weird. It's nice to know that I will be graduating soon and I get to enter a new phase in my life and I've already gotten to learn some of the things that the younger girls there are just now learning. I guess age does have some benefit... haha.
Well there's a small update y'all.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Saturday
Hi Friends.
Yesterday I was talking with a friend and I asked her, "Do I come off as intimidating?" I thought the answer would be so clear. "No." but it wasn't. The answer was kind, because she's a kind girl. She said to me "you have a clear plan, you know where you want to go, and you're very matter-of-fact." I love her, because I wouldn't accept this answer from anyone else. I think that was the christian way of saying i'm a little (for lack of a better word) "bitchy". Ah, yes. I used that word, I hate that word. I don't want to be perceived that way. I prayed that God would soften my heart, make me realize that I can be like that, refine me. Then it kind of came to me that people are going to view me whatever way they feel like, even if I do become more refined. I shouldn't care about how I come off, however I think that keeps me from making friends. I believe I know where I'm going because God has told me where I'm going, I believe I'm very matter-of-fact because that's how I think. I don't appreciate people who beat around the bush, I appreciate truth, honesty and love.
Please understand, I'm not making excuses for myself. I know I'm rough around the edges. I know there are things I think, things I say, things I do that aren't for God. When my friend told me that I can probably be seen that way I realized that I will forever be a work in progress. If one person says that about me, it doesn't speak for everyone.
It typically does take me a while to warm up to someone, I know this about me. It truly is about me, not them, I'm mostly intimidated by every new person I meet. I'm a die-hard introvert and meeting people can be a scary anxious situation for me.
I even saw this in myself on the first day of CNA clinicals everyone called me quiet. I'm not quiet, I'm an observer. I love to take it all in and then decide for myself if it is worth investing in. The second day of class I was much more open, talkative. I don't know why I'm like this...but I am. CNA clinicals are going well. They aren't too bad and we have 10 of 45 hours already completed. Tomorrow is an 8hr day...yikes.
Classes are going well. I'm currently taking medical ethics, human parasitology, intro to stats, and ecology. I have more on those, but I will talk about those later.
Have a lovely evening. If I could see the sunset every night, I would be one happy girl. I love exploring flickr.com, which is where I found this beauty.
Yesterday I was talking with a friend and I asked her, "Do I come off as intimidating?" I thought the answer would be so clear. "No." but it wasn't. The answer was kind, because she's a kind girl. She said to me "you have a clear plan, you know where you want to go, and you're very matter-of-fact." I love her, because I wouldn't accept this answer from anyone else. I think that was the christian way of saying i'm a little (for lack of a better word) "bitchy". Ah, yes. I used that word, I hate that word. I don't want to be perceived that way. I prayed that God would soften my heart, make me realize that I can be like that, refine me. Then it kind of came to me that people are going to view me whatever way they feel like, even if I do become more refined. I shouldn't care about how I come off, however I think that keeps me from making friends. I believe I know where I'm going because God has told me where I'm going, I believe I'm very matter-of-fact because that's how I think. I don't appreciate people who beat around the bush, I appreciate truth, honesty and love.
Please understand, I'm not making excuses for myself. I know I'm rough around the edges. I know there are things I think, things I say, things I do that aren't for God. When my friend told me that I can probably be seen that way I realized that I will forever be a work in progress. If one person says that about me, it doesn't speak for everyone.
It typically does take me a while to warm up to someone, I know this about me. It truly is about me, not them, I'm mostly intimidated by every new person I meet. I'm a die-hard introvert and meeting people can be a scary anxious situation for me.
I even saw this in myself on the first day of CNA clinicals everyone called me quiet. I'm not quiet, I'm an observer. I love to take it all in and then decide for myself if it is worth investing in. The second day of class I was much more open, talkative. I don't know why I'm like this...but I am. CNA clinicals are going well. They aren't too bad and we have 10 of 45 hours already completed. Tomorrow is an 8hr day...yikes.
Classes are going well. I'm currently taking medical ethics, human parasitology, intro to stats, and ecology. I have more on those, but I will talk about those later.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
2012 so far
Well friends, school starts Tuesday and, as usual, I'm very excited. I love new starts, new teachers, new material. I'm ready for 12 credit hours (a real 12 credit hours, not a semester with Human body 12 credit hours). I feel rejuvenated, refreshed, relaxed, and quite joyful.
Friday was my last day at Pawnee. I was so blessed, everyone stopped by and wished me good luck and success. My immediate co-workers bought me beautiful tulips, balloons, and a delicious cupcake. It was hard to leave after I realized how many people seemed to like me there. I guess I didn't know it. I guess I didn't think I was a super integral part in that company. I came home with my heart overflowing, but saddened. It felt empty. I no longer have that commitment, I no longer have "co-workers". I'm so so happy to be moving into a new phase, past the receptionist job, but I'm sad to leave it. Who knows, maybe after I become a certified PA I could end back up at Pawnee. How strange, working with the support staff for 2.5 years, and 4 years later working with the med staff. I've reflected a lot this weekend on how I've changed and how Pawnee has changed me since I started there. I know God wanted me there, otherwise I would not have stuck around for so long. Treating needy people with love was all I could really do to help there. I wasn't that important, I wasn't always in my cheerful mood, but I know God used me there. I can't wait to see where I end up next.
I started my CNA class last monday. It's not too difficult at all, at least not the book work. Monday I'll begin clinicals. I'm nervous for those, but I've been nervous for things before and they always turn out alright.
I'm very excited because I've finally made enough money to pay off my car! I'm so excited to be lessen the burden of loans. If I had a choice, I wouldn't take out loans. I'm very grateful that God has given me the ability to be a good steward with my/his money and always always responsible of it.
So I finished reading Revelation, and now I'm listening to Pastor Mark Driscoll's sermon series on it and it is so eye opening and so refreshing. I love his straight, to the point, convicting way of speaking. Let's just say, he is not afraid of calling people out in a Godly, rebuking, way. He's a great speaker and teacher.
That's all I really have to say.
BYE now.
Friday was my last day at Pawnee. I was so blessed, everyone stopped by and wished me good luck and success. My immediate co-workers bought me beautiful tulips, balloons, and a delicious cupcake. It was hard to leave after I realized how many people seemed to like me there. I guess I didn't know it. I guess I didn't think I was a super integral part in that company. I came home with my heart overflowing, but saddened. It felt empty. I no longer have that commitment, I no longer have "co-workers". I'm so so happy to be moving into a new phase, past the receptionist job, but I'm sad to leave it. Who knows, maybe after I become a certified PA I could end back up at Pawnee. How strange, working with the support staff for 2.5 years, and 4 years later working with the med staff. I've reflected a lot this weekend on how I've changed and how Pawnee has changed me since I started there. I know God wanted me there, otherwise I would not have stuck around for so long. Treating needy people with love was all I could really do to help there. I wasn't that important, I wasn't always in my cheerful mood, but I know God used me there. I can't wait to see where I end up next.
I started my CNA class last monday. It's not too difficult at all, at least not the book work. Monday I'll begin clinicals. I'm nervous for those, but I've been nervous for things before and they always turn out alright.
I'm very excited because I've finally made enough money to pay off my car! I'm so excited to be lessen the burden of loans. If I had a choice, I wouldn't take out loans. I'm very grateful that God has given me the ability to be a good steward with my/his money and always always responsible of it.
So I finished reading Revelation, and now I'm listening to Pastor Mark Driscoll's sermon series on it and it is so eye opening and so refreshing. I love his straight, to the point, convicting way of speaking. Let's just say, he is not afraid of calling people out in a Godly, rebuking, way. He's a great speaker and teacher.
That's all I really have to say.
BYE now.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
2012
Well.
Here we are.
One year later and I didn't write as much as wanted, but it was a whole heck of a lot more than I thought I was going to. I think last year was filled with disappointment, wonder, growing up, laughter and joy.
Last night, at New Year's Eve. celebration I was just completely disgusted with my culture. I don't even want to claim the American culture as mine. We drink too much, we eat too much, we spend too much, we are immoral and don't even realize it because we've been blinded by our culture into thinking things are "normal". This morning I woke up from a very rough sleep and it was the first time I'd ever woke up thinking "satan is winning." I hated that thought, I hated how I felt all morning. I prayed and talked with God as I was getting ready for the day and I just really wanted to hear Hosanna by Hillsong on my ipod. I always have my ipod on shuffle as I'm getting ready and I was listening to Pitbull, I was thinking that his songs represent everything I hate right now. Amazingly out the 1700 songs on my ipod, the next song to play on shuffle was Hosanna. It broke me. In that moment I knew that God heard me and was sending his reply, if you will. God works my ipod?!?
Yesterday I finished reading Revelations. About Jesus coming to reign forever. The first line of Hosanna is "I see a King of Glory, coming on the clouds with fire". That's what I wanted. I wanted Him to come save me, right then and there. I didn't want to have to endure this earth any longer. I just wanted to be with Him and away from sin. The next song to play on my ipod was from my high school days: Stellar Kart, a song called Activate. I would usually skip this song but this time I didn't. It said "Life is easy when you're sitting in the shade, not to hot, not to cold... I feel you drawing me away from my complacency... Don't stop 'til everybody knows. This is the purpose of my life, this is the reason I'm alive."
So I have this to say. I think 2012 is going to be a hard year for me. I think God is challenging me to go beyond my comfort zone and share. I'm so super nervous. But, I mean... His son died for me. I owe Him this much, right? I never ever want to wake up again one day and think that Satan is winning, because in reality he will never win. Today in my read the bible in year I started Genesis. I saw where the sin all started. I saw how satan deceives and how people can turn against God because of it. But I know that that is just the beginning of a beautiful story.
New topic: I started the Insanity workout a week ago. That's challenging in itself, but I already feel loads stronger, hopefully I can continue and I won't give up.
I officially turned in my two weeks notice at Pawnee. It's so bittersweet. I cannot express the experience I've gained. Community Mental Health will always have a place in my heart even after leaving there. I don't know, job wise, where I'll be in 2-3 months, but I know where ever I'll be, I'll be there serving a greater purpose than myself.
-Until next time I have a tragic/awe-inspiring moment in my life
Here we are.
One year later and I didn't write as much as wanted, but it was a whole heck of a lot more than I thought I was going to. I think last year was filled with disappointment, wonder, growing up, laughter and joy.
Last night, at New Year's Eve. celebration I was just completely disgusted with my culture. I don't even want to claim the American culture as mine. We drink too much, we eat too much, we spend too much, we are immoral and don't even realize it because we've been blinded by our culture into thinking things are "normal". This morning I woke up from a very rough sleep and it was the first time I'd ever woke up thinking "satan is winning." I hated that thought, I hated how I felt all morning. I prayed and talked with God as I was getting ready for the day and I just really wanted to hear Hosanna by Hillsong on my ipod. I always have my ipod on shuffle as I'm getting ready and I was listening to Pitbull, I was thinking that his songs represent everything I hate right now. Amazingly out the 1700 songs on my ipod, the next song to play on shuffle was Hosanna. It broke me. In that moment I knew that God heard me and was sending his reply, if you will. God works my ipod?!?
Yesterday I finished reading Revelations. About Jesus coming to reign forever. The first line of Hosanna is "I see a King of Glory, coming on the clouds with fire". That's what I wanted. I wanted Him to come save me, right then and there. I didn't want to have to endure this earth any longer. I just wanted to be with Him and away from sin. The next song to play on my ipod was from my high school days: Stellar Kart, a song called Activate. I would usually skip this song but this time I didn't. It said "Life is easy when you're sitting in the shade, not to hot, not to cold... I feel you drawing me away from my complacency... Don't stop 'til everybody knows. This is the purpose of my life, this is the reason I'm alive."
So I have this to say. I think 2012 is going to be a hard year for me. I think God is challenging me to go beyond my comfort zone and share. I'm so super nervous. But, I mean... His son died for me. I owe Him this much, right? I never ever want to wake up again one day and think that Satan is winning, because in reality he will never win. Today in my read the bible in year I started Genesis. I saw where the sin all started. I saw how satan deceives and how people can turn against God because of it. But I know that that is just the beginning of a beautiful story.
New topic: I started the Insanity workout a week ago. That's challenging in itself, but I already feel loads stronger, hopefully I can continue and I won't give up.
I officially turned in my two weeks notice at Pawnee. It's so bittersweet. I cannot express the experience I've gained. Community Mental Health will always have a place in my heart even after leaving there. I don't know, job wise, where I'll be in 2-3 months, but I know where ever I'll be, I'll be there serving a greater purpose than myself.
-Until next time I have a tragic/awe-inspiring moment in my life
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