Lessons

The banquet and the blacklight party turned out to be great great fun. Everyone looked great all dressed up and pretty, and the blacklight party had so great music and dancing.

So right now I'm going to just share about me week, and not the surfacy stuff like Oh it was a great week, I got a B on my P. Chem test. I did get a B, but there was a lot more going on in my head/heart this week.
I've been really stressed out because of money. I don't have enough of it to do everything I want to. Money has always been a huge worry to me. I'm not sure why, whether it be seeing my parents reaction when I was growing up to their bills or just how I want want want. Right now, it's not even wanting material items. Basically I want to travel, and traveling is expensive, especially sense I only work part time and I pay all of my bills with out the help of my parents. I don't like asking for help because I do feel it is my responsibility to be independent. So finally towards the end of the week, I thought, whatever happens happens. Just being content with the fact that I do get to travel and I won't have money for a really long time until I get an actual job. So I saw the mail man stop by yesterday, but was too busy with banquet-y things and homework-y things. After the banquet I finally checked the mail and I got a letter from Scholarships for Military Children and they had awarded me a pretty significant amount of my tuition money for next school year. I was so honored, so excited, so blessed by this award it was just a great feeling. I've never felt that way before about any award ever. I'm so thankful for it. God knows my needs. It's amazing to me how easy it is not to trust Him completely and in the perfect time He displays His greatness, how His hand works in everything.

Now that wasn't the only thing going through my head. This week, in typical girl fashion, I had this idea and detriment in my mind that I was going to be single forever, for the rest of my life. I think in the past I was just unhappy with the fact that I've never dated anyone, but this week it hit me just head on the idea that I would end up 45, 50, whatever age it may be and still be in the same boat I am today. Lucky for me, though, God has placed some extraordinary friends in my life. They knew the right comforting words that truly spoke to my heart. I'm so thankful for them. I feel like such a cry baby, because that is literally all I've been doing this week. This is something I'd been praying so much to God about, like why was I being so weak, when in the past I'd been so strong, fighting past this idea. Right now it doesn't make sense, and just like the money thing everything has a time, a God crafted, prefect time. I cannot forget this.

I've decided I need to start limiting my facebook use. Or just kind of guard my heart a little more when I'm on it. I think facebook is a great great tool, but at the same time it can turn against me when I invest too much into it. So the first step in doing that was taking it off of my shortcut bar. So now when I look at it, facebook won't be there and it will be much easier to avoid looking at multiple times a day.

Now, I really should study.