Summer Days

So I'm sitting next to my Violet doggie, pillows around me. I've realized one thing these past couple of days. Healing is humbling. It's amazing how dependent I have become of those around me, just to heal. I don't like healing because it requires rest and after about a day of rest, I'm tired of resting. I don't like healing because it is the one instance in my life where I can't do things for myself like I enjoy doing. I don't like healing because when you're on medication it makes it terribly hard to concentrate on reading, so I've gotten none of that done. In fact, I'm two days behind on my read the bible in the year book. I do like healing because I see that people truly care for me. I do like healing because it makes me slow down. I do like healing because it is easy to see progress where it has been made. This is not only a physical type of healing, but a spiritual as well.  I think that may be all I have to say.

This is Violet when she was about 6 months old. So precious. Who knew that she would still be that way when she got older. She's a great little doggie.

Beautiful Days

I'm so excited that summer is here and the weather is beautiful!! Sunny and 75 are perfect summer days. Today I'm heading out to Konza Prairie with some friends, it will be nice to get outside and enjoy the fresh air.
One thing I've been thinking deeply about is how loving my friends are and how supportive my family is. Particularly my family, I cannot think of one time in which they were dissapointed with a desicion I made for myself, that I ended up being dissapointed with. They are always supportive. Yes, they will give me advice and guide my decisions, and I deeply value their opinion. However, they know that whatever it is, it is ultimately my decision to make. Anyway, I'm so thankful and blessed that I have all of these great people in my life.

Yesterday I was reading this article. It made me reallllly want to travel and see these places. Especially to see this:

So now, I must add Cambodia to places I want to go before I die. Right next to New Zealand.
Well, I don't want to be the stinky person when we go to Konza, so I'm going to get all cleaned up!

Have a beautiful Tuesday.

P.s. Funny Story: So I'm at my parents house and their caller ID talks, so I always know it's my mom when it says "G-6 fort doim armor". Little did I know, it says that for all of Fort Riley. So today I answered "Yes, Ma'am!!" and it wasn't her, it was a lady calling to speak to me about a scholarship I had applied for. Silly me. I think I made up for it by talking very professionally and politely throughout the entire conversation.

Summer

So. It's over. Five finals and many hours of studying and a mild mental breakdown and I'm done.
Today I got to celebrate Mother's day. I think my mom appreciated that I still wanted to celebrate it, even though I was a week late. I took my mom out to Longhorn's steak house, my dad tagged a long too, but he had to buy his own meal because that place is a little high class for this part-time worker's wallet. It took us a while to get our food, which is was fine with me because we got to chat with each other and there was no pressure of trying to get home quick because of loads of school work to get done.
So I'm on a much needed break. I'm still unsure what exactly I'm doing this summer. I hope to shadow some PAs and maybe volunteer in a nursing home or at Mercy Regional Hospital.
The first two days of summer have been strange. I was able to catch up on TV I missed and some sleep I missed. However, it was only like 52 degrees outside. Unseasonably cold for May in Kansas. But let's not forget the 90 degrees the week before, unseasonably warm for May in Kansas. That's what I like, surprises. I wouldn't be shocked if it was either 90 degrees tomorrow or if I saw snowflakes falling from the sky. So unpredictable.
I'm in the process of moving back home into my parent's house. So far, so good. I've enjoyed being in their caring and loving company. I'm thrilled to save money, it's too expensive to go to school and live away from home, especially if your parents live in the same town you do. It's especially hard when you pay for everything, I mean everything, out of your own pocket. Luckily, they are always willing to help out if I need it, because they are great. It's usually my problem of not asking for help because I want to be able to be completely independent of them. Anyway. I'm going to enjoy summer. I'm going to enjoy some time off in the company of my friends and family, and I'm not going to fill guilty about it.

byebye

Crazy

Oh dear. you know when you're stressed out, frustrations have come your way, and all you try to do is contain yourself and deal with it in your own place and your own mind? Maybe I'm the only one who does that.
This week lots of things haven't gone my way, I still have no summer planned. I need to be okay with that. I still have issues on how I'm actually going to get to PA school. I'm nervous about the future because I have no idea what it holds. I'm worried about moving everything back to my parent's house this weekend. I have all these little things I need to get done, on top of studying for my last final.
So all these thoughts and feelings were going through my mind while I was having a meeting with my Pre-PA advisor. and all of the sudden my stress and tiredness and worries just hit me and I started crying like a little baby in her office. I couldn't contain myself. I was so embarrassed. She tried to help me by saying "you have no idea how many tears I have seen in this office." But that didn't help, it made me feel like more of an idiot for crying about things that are out of my control.
She offered several solutions to my future plans, although I can't even think about those right now because I'm worried about the next two exams. I feel like a mess and in an hour and a half I have to put on my happy face for work.

So that was a little downer. sorry.

Oh my finals week

So I got that A in Psych, by the skin of my teeth. But, it's still an A.

It's truly amazing the soundness of God's "NO". I'm realizing this after fighting so much about summer plans. Right now, I have none and summer starts in T-minus 41 hours. My plan was to take a CNA class, but MATC's class filled up before I was able to enroll. Then I found another one and since I'm having a little surgery, I can't take it. So maybe God's plan for me doesn't involve being a CNA, or at least right now.

So, literally no plans for the summer. What am I going to do??
Tomorrow I meet with my Pre-PA advisor, maybe she'll have a little advise for me. So that I don't feel like the only college age person who has nothing planned. Outside of a couple weddings, some possibilities of trips to New Jersey, Colorado and Wisconsin, studying for the GRE (oh and that little surgery). Maybe I'll take a class, maybe I'll work a couple hours more a week. I have to do something. I cannot imagine a summer of nothing.

I wanted to put a picture up, but instead of searching for one I'm going to study for my P. Chem exam... probably a smarter idea.

see ya.

an almost week later

Sheesh, sorry about not writing.
Literally, 5 finals this week. Lots of appointments, meetings and what-have-yous are filling up any free time that I'm not studying. My easy finals are over, public speaking and women's studies. Today I have Psych, which is a class that I have a boarder line grade, so I want to keep an A!! On Friday I have my final finals which both classes I'm probably going to get B's in which is fine, they're my hard classes, P. Chem and Micro. So not a bad semester, grade-wise. I think I've taken more tests this semester than any other semester, although, I could be wrong.

I'm going to keep this short, because I have lots of studying to do. I'm sad to say good-bye to my roomies and friends that are leaving for the summer and other fun life adventures. That's life though, we only have the people we love around us for short whiles and then one of us will move on to greater and better things. that's kind of a downer, didn't mean for it to be that way. I guess what I really wanted to say, is that I appreciated the love they showed me this year and how much I learned from them this year.

Bye now. I have to read/study/make sure I don't fail.

(P)salms

Yay. Well somehow I got lucky enough to not have classes today, so I slept until 7am, got lots of school work done and now I'm going to go to work here pretty soon.
Last night I got to spend sometime with some great ladies. I love being around these girls, they are so great and such an encouragement to see how they live their lives. We all ate rice and beans together, in a celebration of Mary eating these simple foods for the month of April.

So I'm making my way through Psalms in my read the bible in a year thing. I should start calling it BIAY (bible in a year). That would save my fingers lots of keyboard pressing. Reading Psalm 36 I realized the bigness (if you will), the powerfulness, the almighty-ness of our God. It's incomprehensible, but a glimpse at it makes me feel so tiny and little in His huge picture and scheme of life.

"Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens, Your faithfulness to the clouds. You righteousness is like the mountains of God; Your judgements are like the great deep; man and beast you save, O Lord. How precious is Your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of Your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from river of delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light." Psalm 36:5-9

There is so much great imagery there. Every beauty of life that I can think of is compared to the beauty of God, compared to his graciousness, his love, his saving grace. And to think that these earthly images are only the tip of the iceberg of how wonderful He truly is. Astounding.

Lessons

The banquet and the blacklight party turned out to be great great fun. Everyone looked great all dressed up and pretty, and the blacklight party had so great music and dancing.

So right now I'm going to just share about me week, and not the surfacy stuff like Oh it was a great week, I got a B on my P. Chem test. I did get a B, but there was a lot more going on in my head/heart this week.
I've been really stressed out because of money. I don't have enough of it to do everything I want to. Money has always been a huge worry to me. I'm not sure why, whether it be seeing my parents reaction when I was growing up to their bills or just how I want want want. Right now, it's not even wanting material items. Basically I want to travel, and traveling is expensive, especially sense I only work part time and I pay all of my bills with out the help of my parents. I don't like asking for help because I do feel it is my responsibility to be independent. So finally towards the end of the week, I thought, whatever happens happens. Just being content with the fact that I do get to travel and I won't have money for a really long time until I get an actual job. So I saw the mail man stop by yesterday, but was too busy with banquet-y things and homework-y things. After the banquet I finally checked the mail and I got a letter from Scholarships for Military Children and they had awarded me a pretty significant amount of my tuition money for next school year. I was so honored, so excited, so blessed by this award it was just a great feeling. I've never felt that way before about any award ever. I'm so thankful for it. God knows my needs. It's amazing to me how easy it is not to trust Him completely and in the perfect time He displays His greatness, how His hand works in everything.

Now that wasn't the only thing going through my head. This week, in typical girl fashion, I had this idea and detriment in my mind that I was going to be single forever, for the rest of my life. I think in the past I was just unhappy with the fact that I've never dated anyone, but this week it hit me just head on the idea that I would end up 45, 50, whatever age it may be and still be in the same boat I am today. Lucky for me, though, God has placed some extraordinary friends in my life. They knew the right comforting words that truly spoke to my heart. I'm so thankful for them. I feel like such a cry baby, because that is literally all I've been doing this week. This is something I'd been praying so much to God about, like why was I being so weak, when in the past I'd been so strong, fighting past this idea. Right now it doesn't make sense, and just like the money thing everything has a time, a God crafted, prefect time. I cannot forget this.

I've decided I need to start limiting my facebook use. Or just kind of guard my heart a little more when I'm on it. I think facebook is a great great tool, but at the same time it can turn against me when I invest too much into it. So the first step in doing that was taking it off of my shortcut bar. So now when I look at it, facebook won't be there and it will be much easier to avoid looking at multiple times a day.

Now, I really should study.