College

For my few readers I am preparing a reflection of college. I have been thinking about doing this for about 2 months. I began writing it on Thanksgiving and it's going to be good. I'm really excited for it, mostly because after reading through what I've wrote about Freshman year I noticed two things, one is that I've matured incredibly, two is that my relationship with the Lord is much stronger now than it was then. So get ready. I'm thinking I'll release installments, that way it's easier to read instead of 8 pages of my babbling.

Ok, happy Christmas season to you!

2016

Yesterday I told my dad "I hate America." Quite literally everything I voted for did not win. It was really discouraging. Do I really have a voice at all? Just because my voice didn't match the majority or the electoral college it doesn't really matter. I'm feeling a little discouraged at the executive level and at the local/state level. My city passed a 0.5% increase sales tax to improve roads and infrastructure among other things. 5 months from now I predict the citizens of Manhattan will be complaining about how roads that aren't that damaged are being repaired and we have to drive through construction.

I remember in 2008 after Obama won the first time I called my mother from the city of Chicago and I was literally crying for America. I told my mom 4 years from now there won't be any jobs and we will have made enemies with our allies. And, well, my predictions were correct. So I've decided to list my predictions for 2016.

• Gas- when Obama was elected we were paying less that 2 dollars a gallon for gas. Today we are pressing 4 dollars a gallon. In 4 years I believe we will be paying close to 8 dollars a gallon.
• Foreign policy- no two countries have ever settled the amount of debt that we owe to China peacefully. If we haven't already faced the threat of China's nuclear weapons, we will be sending military to China to prevent this.
• Health Care- Hopefully by this time I will have graduated from PA school. I will certainly have a job as PAs are a great and affordable way to provide healthcare for all. However, my patients will not be getting what they need or want in a timely manner. I will be filling out paperwork beyond paperwork and imagine being on the phone with machines for hours advocating for my patients.
• Jobs- While I have a job, I worry for the jobs of people like my brother Brian who work in manufacturing. Over the course of his 1st presidency a lot of blue collar jobs have been outsourced because it is not profitable to buy healthcare, provide income and goods for people in our own country.
• Taxes- While I'm not in a large tax bracket right now, I see the effects of taxes on people like my parents, both U.S. army veterans. They are in no means "rich" in the american standard. However, every year they pay a little more of their hard earned money to the government because every year more social programs are added and more debt is created. What if Americans didn't have to pay taxes? What if we were able to use our money and support our own socially supported foundations that we believed in? Is that even a possible mission for Americans, who are mostly greedy and enjoy their savings accounts too much?

While I, in all honesty, don't know much about politics I'm aware enough to know that no ONE man will ever fix this country. I know that one election will not determine the fate of the world. If I had to complain about one thing, it would be that I didn't vote in the primaries for my local government. I knew so much about the presidential candidates, who very rarely make changes that effect me directly, and I didn't know a lot about my own local/state candidates who, everyday, are making decisions that effect me directly.

One thing that Mitt Romney talked about that if he was made president he would end the pornography industry. Can I just tell you how pleased that made me? Pornography destroys families, makes women into objects of sex to only fulfill a twisted desire. It contributes to sex-trafficking, which is, disgustingly, the 3rd largest industry in the world. Lives are broken and lost due to pornography and sex-trafficking and this presidential candidate promised to break into that and create legislation to conquer that brokenness. He made it through his presidential campaign without caffeine, that alone should have won him america's heart. 

So my reflection on the election (haha):

Why am I shocked that American/Kansas/Manhattan didn't feel exactly the way I did? We're all different people with usually respectable opinions. I just had hoped for a new start for my country, one where my president was less concerned about his groove-thing on the Ellen Show or Oprah and more concerned about the family model, our international allies and the vitality of American people.

Realness

I just want to take a moment to inhale the sweetness of our Lord. I want others who don't believe to understand how hard it is to believe sometimes. I battle everyday with demons and sin and immorality. However, I'm not battling alone. I have a partner, a leader, someone who gives me strength, someone who demands respect, someone who comforts me, gives me rests and advocates for me. My Lord is more of a fighter than I will ever be.

Reading today's "My Utmost For His Highest" by Oswald Chambers I get it. I get that faith is hard and that the exact point of faith. Faith is ever struggling to produce more faith.
"Faith always works in a personal way, because the purpose of God is to see that perfect faith is made real in His children...The life of faith says, "Lord, You have said it, it appears to be irrational, but I'm going to step out boldly, trusting in Your word."... Turning intellectual faith into personal possession is ALWAYS a fight, not just sometimes... the nature of faith is to make the object of our faith very real to us."

I have to say God is very real to me. I cannot even begin to describe the blessings that He gives to me everyday. This just makes me want to serve him more. I think of this as loving my parents. I love them, and by serving them, and respecting them I show them my love. I often struggle with this, as does anyone who is turning 23 in a couple days and is still living with their parents would. My temper flares easily among the people I love, and I hate it. I hate not giving them everything that is good in me. I hate that I cannot fully and continually show the love that I feel for them. So for God. I just I want to give him all of me. He understands my good and bad, but I hope to follow him more and truly and fully offer him all of me so that each day I will be made more in his likeness.

In two days I officially turn 23. Every birthday I look back at the years that have followed and see all the things that I have not done. It really makes my birthday almost something that I dread, because it makes my inadequacies and unsuccessfulness quite real. I know that I'm still young and even though my head is spotted with grey hairs I still have plenty of life to live. I just desire to have a birthday that I can look at the life that I've lived so far and be fulfilled.

salt of the earth, light of the world

I have found most recently that my heart is often in spiritual bliss. That sweet revelations are whispered into my ears. That His wisdom and knowledge meet my ignorance and selfishness. I have found that my soul is so quickly filled with joy and then so suddenly saddened by my physical reality. It's as if I'm in a trance, like I'm living in some sort of fantasy where sin and foolishness do not exist. And then it's as if the hypnotist snaps his fingers and says "open your eyes" that I'm reminded of this imperfect world, the inconsistencies, and the dirtiness. Salt of the earth, light of the world, salt of the earth, light of the world, salt of the earth, light of the world is all I can tell myself to keep me from being held hostage in this overwhelming dangerous darkness.

Sweet Day Off

Well, as the title of this blog post suggests, I had the day off today.

Here's what I did:

First, I went to the dentist and had my teeth cleaned. I successfully passed the "have you been flossing" test with almost flying colors, gotta work on my back bottom teeth better. This may sound weird, but I take a lot of value in how well the dentist says my teeth look. I'm psychotic. Anyway, I took the mandatory parting gift of a toothbrush, dental floss and a small tube of tooth paste. 

I then went to clean a house that I sometimes clean because that person is too busy to clean it themselves. It wasn't as dirty as it had been in the past, but I definitely wore my cleaning gloves.

After that I came home and ate a quick lunch and headed over to my neighbors house to play with their dog, Betty. I'm housesitting for them and I feel bad that Betty spends a lot of time alone so I try to play with her, but I get tired easily.

I then came home to find Violet sleeping in her bed like this. 

So precious.

I started some delicious bread in the bread maker.

I made started a pot roast this morning and this is it about half-way done. I hope it's good. The beef stock that I poured in was a little questionable so I hope that doesn't affect the taste.

I then started working on note cards of Bible verses that I love. It was suggested to me, through a book study group that I've been attending that this is a great way to get daily encouragement. Write the verse on the front, write how you fit into it on the back.

One of the verses I put down:

"On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem:
      "Fear not, O Zion, Let not your hands grow weak. The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice with gladness; He will quiet you by his love; He will exult over you with loud singing."
           Zephaniah 3:16-17


AHHH. I LOVE THIS. He is here and he will be here to save us. And not only cannot I not wait for this moment, HE cannot wait for this moment. Gladness, Love, Singing reminds me of one great party. An unforgettable moment that I wish to relive. This verse just stunned me. It's so beautiful and I'm so excited now.

I promised that my next blog would have some Jesus stuff in it. So it will.

Over the entire Spring semester I was kind of angry at God. I mean I loved him, but I was pretty irritated. Like when your mom, who gave birth to you and is one of your greatest friends, shrinks your favorite sweater. I still love her, but shoot, am I mad. I was mad because I didn't have a good "story". My life hasn't been filled with dramatic heartbreak, disaster or sickness. How am I supposed to resonate with people if I've never experienced true tragedy, God?!? Really, what I was saying was: Gee, God Thanks so much for making my life so wonderful... In a sarcastic voice. How dare I, right? Well. The answer came to me the other night and that answer is: my parents. While, my parents were new believers when they had me, they constantly heard sermons on the fact that they MUST be praying for their children. So they did just that. They prayed for me and God has truly, truly provided for me. He has given me the supreme love and given me anything I have ever needed and wanted.

The other weekend I went to a "college" party. I hated it. I'm not fun there. I don't like to drink. I don't like to drive after I have drank even just a little. And I really don't like the company that shows up to those sorts of things.  While there, I realized how quickly and easily things can spiral out of control. So I forced myself to leave and not be there. After leaving, I was once again frustrated with the world, sick with sinfulness, tired of being here, wishing at some point that I could just be free of my inhibitions. Looking back on that, I really do love that. I love it because I am so tuned in and aware of the fact that I'm not of this world and my life is fleeting. My inhibitions are not only am I scared of those things, but that I serve a God. A creator of this huge earth and he has spoken life into me and that I am supposed to HATE earthly and secular rituals. There is a greater purpose to be served drinking, partying and destructive habits are not apart of it.

About a week and a half ago my great aunt died. She has basically had some form of cancer for my entire life. What a fighter. She recently moved from Reno, NV to Boise, ID and in the process caught pneumonia. While, I'm not so connected with my extended family, this woman was a huge support to my dad for his entire life. I knew that he was nervous when getting ready to head to Idaho for the week as the relationships within his family are severely hurt due to lies, secrets and such. In fact, my dad and his father have not talked in a number of years because of all this hurt. I knew immediately that My God can heal this. He can make it right. My mom and I and my church community started praying for healing, reconciliation, humbling, conviction, ANYTHING. and you know what? it happened. My dad and his dad (I guess my grandfather, but I've never really met him and I think grandfather implies I know him and have a relationship with him) hugged and spoke and made amends. How beautiful and perfect. Wow.

That's it for now. I must go check the roast.

Brooke

Summer Recap

I kind of just want to start from the beginning of summer. It's not going to be that exciting because I usually spend about 40 hours a week in a fluorescent-light filled building. Somethings have been fun though. I think it might make this a picture recap!

Right before school ended I BOLDLY cut my hair. I'm not one for drastic changes, so naturally my hairdresser had to convince me to allow her to cut 7-8 inches of hair off my head.

Before:

After:

I guess it's grown a little since then. Which is nice, I want to one day be able to put it in a ponytail again. I guess this was a big deal to me just because I have such a big mouth and tell everyone pretty much everything I'm thinking and I didn't tell anyone about this. So I got to shock all of my friends. I got the idea from Kate.


After that happened, it was graduation weekend and lots of my buddies graduated so I was able to go to their parties and bid them farewell.
Here is Colleen and I. I met this great girl when I was a freshman in high school. We were in the same biology class, we dissected the same frog and I just loved her sense of humor. Colleen is someone I can be so honest with and I'm so grateful for our friendship. I'll miss her when she moves off to Wichita, but who knows...maybe I'll be living there next summer.

Then Brian graduated! The picture is of Brian and Soo making silly faces at one (yes, Brian had more than one, he deserved it though) of Brian's graduation party. I first met Brian, I think as a Sophomore in high school. He was dating one of my best buddies. When I transferred to KSU I saw him at Ichthus and he got me involved in the small group he was leading. Brian is super smart, wise and laid-back.  Also, just like Colleen I'm always thankful for Brian's sense of humor. It's much different than most people you meet! He's off to Arkansas. Who knows...maybe I'll be living in that state next summer too?! I'll go where ever I can get in to PA school.

Then Mary Beth graduated. What a fun roommate, mentor and seeker of Jesus. I've always been thankful for this girl's desire to be a disciple and to teach others how to be a disciple. Her love for the Lord is beautiful. She'll be in KC next year. I won't be there, there aren't any PA schools there. 

I finally went to Manhattan Hill and took in the lush Kansas view. It's been so hot this summer. I'm becoming quite acclimated to 100+ degree temperatures. I can't wait to wear long jeans again, I just love jeans.

My friend Mary and I stopped by a little house concert at a house hidden in Westmoreland, KS. They used world maps as curtains.

I've definitely been enjoying the sunsets this summer since I don't work in the evenings.

Kristin came and lived with my parents and I this summer. We got to hang out with Soo a lot. Kristin is such a great friend and I was super thankful to have her here for part of the summer.

This frog decided to live on my porch for a while.

Rebecca Doll came to town. I love visiting with this girl. She has such a desire for knowledge. Her kindness is so sweet. We went to The Flint Hills Discovery Museum and really enjoyed the giant elevator they had there, oh, and all the info about the prairie was cool too.

Hanging out with Soo a ton this summer. I love that we have been able to teach each other so much while she's been here. I'm trying to figure out a way to go visit her on my semester off when she returns to Korea.

Trying new drinks this summer. I also had a decent outfit on, so I had to share this photo.

I tried to make garlic bread in the toaster. It ended up just burning the one side of the bread. :(

We're trying to be more eco-friendly! This day my mom and I were able to use all of the bags we brought and no plastic bags were used for our groceries (except for wrapping up fresh fruit and veggies). This is kind of a big deal for my mom. The way she sees it, she has another 40 years max, and if we're up to our eyeballs in our used plastic products it won't matter to her. Still love her

I tried to make Sweet Potato Fries.

They looked so good.

They tasted so bad

and if I hadn't burnt these sweet rolls, they would have been really good.

So let's say my summer cooking expeditions haven't been going so well, but there's lots of time to practice.

I'll have a Jesus update next time. I type all day at work, and all this typing just now has me worn out.

Seeeee ya!

Summer is half way over!

I've been really bad about writing this summer.

My job at the orthopaedics clinic is going well. There are days I like it, there are days I don't mind it, there are days when I wish I had an easier job. I love most of the people I work with, but, as with any work place, there are a few people who I wouldn't miss if they weren't working there.

Training was very difficult for me. I trained for over 6 weeks, side-by-side with another CNA and by the end of the 3rd week I didn't want her help any longer and I didn't want her telling me what to do any longer. I was definitely sick of her. I kind of remember a turning point where we got pretty busy and we had to be in separate rooms pretty much all day and from that day forward I knew I could do it on my own.

It does suck that every day I mess up something, or I have someone tell me I did something wrong or like today when a doctor stops me in the hallway and tells me not to use the word bicep with shoulder pain... in front of all my fellow CNAs. I keep reminding myself that I will eventually get it all together, but it would be nicer if that happened sooner.

This summer I've been spending lots of time with my sweet Korean friend, Soo. We read the bible together, we eat ice cream together, we go to bbq's together...pretty much all of my favorite things to do. She's so great and I'm so excited to have met her and I'm pretty sad that she's going back to Korea in December.

Oh Yes. December. I'm graduating!! It's really weird to think that in 5 short months my undergraduate degree will be complete and now I just wait to hear back from PA schools. It's definitely going to be pretty weird hanging around Manhattan for the spring semester and not going to school, but the break will be welcomed.

I have much more to say and lots of pictures of projects to share, but I wake up really early in the morning for this job of mine so it's almost 10:30 which means I'm quite tired.