Oh dear. you know when you're stressed out, frustrations have come your way, and all you try to do is contain yourself and deal with it in your own place and your own mind? Maybe I'm the only one who does that.
This week lots of things haven't gone my way, I still have no summer planned. I need to be okay with that. I still have issues on how I'm actually going to get to PA school. I'm nervous about the future because I have no idea what it holds. I'm worried about moving everything back to my parent's house this weekend. I have all these little things I need to get done, on top of studying for my last final.
So all these thoughts and feelings were going through my mind while I was having a meeting with my Pre-PA advisor. and all of the sudden my stress and tiredness and worries just hit me and I started crying like a little baby in her office. I couldn't contain myself. I was so embarrassed. She tried to help me by saying "you have no idea how many tears I have seen in this office." But that didn't help, it made me feel like more of an idiot for crying about things that are out of my control.
She offered several solutions to my future plans, although I can't even think about those right now because I'm worried about the next two exams. I feel like a mess and in an hour and a half I have to put on my happy face for work.
So that was a little downer. sorry.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Oh my finals week
So I got that A in Psych, by the skin of my teeth. But, it's still an A.
It's truly amazing the soundness of God's "NO". I'm realizing this after fighting so much about summer plans. Right now, I have none and summer starts in T-minus 41 hours. My plan was to take a CNA class, but MATC's class filled up before I was able to enroll. Then I found another one and since I'm having a little surgery, I can't take it. So maybe God's plan for me doesn't involve being a CNA, or at least right now.
So, literally no plans for the summer. What am I going to do??
Tomorrow I meet with my Pre-PA advisor, maybe she'll have a little advise for me. So that I don't feel like the only college age person who has nothing planned. Outside of a couple weddings, some possibilities of trips to New Jersey, Colorado and Wisconsin, studying for the GRE (oh and that little surgery). Maybe I'll take a class, maybe I'll work a couple hours more a week. I have to do something. I cannot imagine a summer of nothing.
I wanted to put a picture up, but instead of searching for one I'm going to study for my P. Chem exam... probably a smarter idea.
see ya.
It's truly amazing the soundness of God's "NO". I'm realizing this after fighting so much about summer plans. Right now, I have none and summer starts in T-minus 41 hours. My plan was to take a CNA class, but MATC's class filled up before I was able to enroll. Then I found another one and since I'm having a little surgery, I can't take it. So maybe God's plan for me doesn't involve being a CNA, or at least right now.
So, literally no plans for the summer. What am I going to do??
Tomorrow I meet with my Pre-PA advisor, maybe she'll have a little advise for me. So that I don't feel like the only college age person who has nothing planned. Outside of a couple weddings, some possibilities of trips to New Jersey, Colorado and Wisconsin, studying for the GRE (oh and that little surgery). Maybe I'll take a class, maybe I'll work a couple hours more a week. I have to do something. I cannot imagine a summer of nothing.
I wanted to put a picture up, but instead of searching for one I'm going to study for my P. Chem exam... probably a smarter idea.
see ya.
an almost week later
Sheesh, sorry about not writing.
Literally, 5 finals this week. Lots of appointments, meetings and what-have-yous are filling up any free time that I'm not studying. My easy finals are over, public speaking and women's studies. Today I have Psych, which is a class that I have a boarder line grade, so I want to keep an A!! On Friday I have my final finals which both classes I'm probably going to get B's in which is fine, they're my hard classes, P. Chem and Micro. So not a bad semester, grade-wise. I think I've taken more tests this semester than any other semester, although, I could be wrong.
I'm going to keep this short, because I have lots of studying to do. I'm sad to say good-bye to my roomies and friends that are leaving for the summer and other fun life adventures. That's life though, we only have the people we love around us for short whiles and then one of us will move on to greater and better things. that's kind of a downer, didn't mean for it to be that way. I guess what I really wanted to say, is that I appreciated the love they showed me this year and how much I learned from them this year.
Bye now. I have to read/study/make sure I don't fail.
Literally, 5 finals this week. Lots of appointments, meetings and what-have-yous are filling up any free time that I'm not studying. My easy finals are over, public speaking and women's studies. Today I have Psych, which is a class that I have a boarder line grade, so I want to keep an A!! On Friday I have my final finals which both classes I'm probably going to get B's in which is fine, they're my hard classes, P. Chem and Micro. So not a bad semester, grade-wise. I think I've taken more tests this semester than any other semester, although, I could be wrong.
I'm going to keep this short, because I have lots of studying to do. I'm sad to say good-bye to my roomies and friends that are leaving for the summer and other fun life adventures. That's life though, we only have the people we love around us for short whiles and then one of us will move on to greater and better things. that's kind of a downer, didn't mean for it to be that way. I guess what I really wanted to say, is that I appreciated the love they showed me this year and how much I learned from them this year.
Bye now. I have to read/study/make sure I don't fail.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
(P)salms
Yay. Well somehow I got lucky enough to not have classes today, so I slept until 7am, got lots of school work done and now I'm going to go to work here pretty soon.
Last night I got to spend sometime with some great ladies. I love being around these girls, they are so great and such an encouragement to see how they live their lives. We all ate rice and beans together, in a celebration of Mary eating these simple foods for the month of April.
So I'm making my way through Psalms in my read the bible in a year thing. I should start calling it BIAY (bible in a year). That would save my fingers lots of keyboard pressing. Reading Psalm 36 I realized the bigness (if you will), the powerfulness, the almighty-ness of our God. It's incomprehensible, but a glimpse at it makes me feel so tiny and little in His huge picture and scheme of life.
"Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens, Your faithfulness to the clouds. You righteousness is like the mountains of God; Your judgements are like the great deep; man and beast you save, O Lord. How precious is Your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of Your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from river of delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light." Psalm 36:5-9
There is so much great imagery there. Every beauty of life that I can think of is compared to the beauty of God, compared to his graciousness, his love, his saving grace. And to think that these earthly images are only the tip of the iceberg of how wonderful He truly is. Astounding.
Last night I got to spend sometime with some great ladies. I love being around these girls, they are so great and such an encouragement to see how they live their lives. We all ate rice and beans together, in a celebration of Mary eating these simple foods for the month of April.
So I'm making my way through Psalms in my read the bible in a year thing. I should start calling it BIAY (bible in a year). That would save my fingers lots of keyboard pressing. Reading Psalm 36 I realized the bigness (if you will), the powerfulness, the almighty-ness of our God. It's incomprehensible, but a glimpse at it makes me feel so tiny and little in His huge picture and scheme of life.
"Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens, Your faithfulness to the clouds. You righteousness is like the mountains of God; Your judgements are like the great deep; man and beast you save, O Lord. How precious is Your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of Your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from river of delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light." Psalm 36:5-9
There is so much great imagery there. Every beauty of life that I can think of is compared to the beauty of God, compared to his graciousness, his love, his saving grace. And to think that these earthly images are only the tip of the iceberg of how wonderful He truly is. Astounding.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Lessons
The banquet and the blacklight party turned out to be great great fun. Everyone looked great all dressed up and pretty, and the blacklight party had so great music and dancing.
So right now I'm going to just share about me week, and not the surfacy stuff like Oh it was a great week, I got a B on my P. Chem test. I did get a B, but there was a lot more going on in my head/heart this week.
I've been really stressed out because of money. I don't have enough of it to do everything I want to. Money has always been a huge worry to me. I'm not sure why, whether it be seeing my parents reaction when I was growing up to their bills or just how I want want want. Right now, it's not even wanting material items. Basically I want to travel, and traveling is expensive, especially sense I only work part time and I pay all of my bills with out the help of my parents. I don't like asking for help because I do feel it is my responsibility to be independent. So finally towards the end of the week, I thought, whatever happens happens. Just being content with the fact that I do get to travel and I won't have money for a really long time until I get an actual job. So I saw the mail man stop by yesterday, but was too busy with banquet-y things and homework-y things. After the banquet I finally checked the mail and I got a letter from Scholarships for Military Children and they had awarded me a pretty significant amount of my tuition money for next school year. I was so honored, so excited, so blessed by this award it was just a great feeling. I've never felt that way before about any award ever. I'm so thankful for it. God knows my needs. It's amazing to me how easy it is not to trust Him completely and in the perfect time He displays His greatness, how His hand works in everything.
Now that wasn't the only thing going through my head. This week, in typical girl fashion, I had this idea and detriment in my mind that I was going to be single forever, for the rest of my life. I think in the past I was just unhappy with the fact that I've never dated anyone, but this week it hit me just head on the idea that I would end up 45, 50, whatever age it may be and still be in the same boat I am today. Lucky for me, though, God has placed some extraordinary friends in my life. They knew the right comforting words that truly spoke to my heart. I'm so thankful for them. I feel like such a cry baby, because that is literally all I've been doing this week. This is something I'd been praying so much to God about, like why was I being so weak, when in the past I'd been so strong, fighting past this idea. Right now it doesn't make sense, and just like the money thing everything has a time, a God crafted, prefect time. I cannot forget this.
I've decided I need to start limiting my facebook use. Or just kind of guard my heart a little more when I'm on it. I think facebook is a great great tool, but at the same time it can turn against me when I invest too much into it. So the first step in doing that was taking it off of my shortcut bar. So now when I look at it, facebook won't be there and it will be much easier to avoid looking at multiple times a day.
Now, I really should study.
So right now I'm going to just share about me week, and not the surfacy stuff like Oh it was a great week, I got a B on my P. Chem test. I did get a B, but there was a lot more going on in my head/heart this week.
I've been really stressed out because of money. I don't have enough of it to do everything I want to. Money has always been a huge worry to me. I'm not sure why, whether it be seeing my parents reaction when I was growing up to their bills or just how I want want want. Right now, it's not even wanting material items. Basically I want to travel, and traveling is expensive, especially sense I only work part time and I pay all of my bills with out the help of my parents. I don't like asking for help because I do feel it is my responsibility to be independent. So finally towards the end of the week, I thought, whatever happens happens. Just being content with the fact that I do get to travel and I won't have money for a really long time until I get an actual job. So I saw the mail man stop by yesterday, but was too busy with banquet-y things and homework-y things. After the banquet I finally checked the mail and I got a letter from Scholarships for Military Children and they had awarded me a pretty significant amount of my tuition money for next school year. I was so honored, so excited, so blessed by this award it was just a great feeling. I've never felt that way before about any award ever. I'm so thankful for it. God knows my needs. It's amazing to me how easy it is not to trust Him completely and in the perfect time He displays His greatness, how His hand works in everything.
Now that wasn't the only thing going through my head. This week, in typical girl fashion, I had this idea and detriment in my mind that I was going to be single forever, for the rest of my life. I think in the past I was just unhappy with the fact that I've never dated anyone, but this week it hit me just head on the idea that I would end up 45, 50, whatever age it may be and still be in the same boat I am today. Lucky for me, though, God has placed some extraordinary friends in my life. They knew the right comforting words that truly spoke to my heart. I'm so thankful for them. I feel like such a cry baby, because that is literally all I've been doing this week. This is something I'd been praying so much to God about, like why was I being so weak, when in the past I'd been so strong, fighting past this idea. Right now it doesn't make sense, and just like the money thing everything has a time, a God crafted, prefect time. I cannot forget this.
I've decided I need to start limiting my facebook use. Or just kind of guard my heart a little more when I'm on it. I think facebook is a great great tool, but at the same time it can turn against me when I invest too much into it. So the first step in doing that was taking it off of my shortcut bar. So now when I look at it, facebook won't be there and it will be much easier to avoid looking at multiple times a day.
Now, I really should study.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Almost Done
Hey.
The Bake sale is over! Isn't that awesome? That's one huge load off of my chest. All I have to do is write a little paper for that project, get my powerpoint slide ready, and present. Then I'm pretty much done with that. Super happy about that. We raised 80 dollars for National Organization of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders
Tomorrow's the banquet! Very excited to see all of my Ichthus friends dressed up and looking wonderful. It should be a lot of fun.
Because the past two days have been so busy I haven't done my bible reading. However, I was able to go on a run this morning which was wonderful because the weather was perfect. Maybe I'll get to go again tomorrow?
I'm dog sitting this weekend. So Violet and I have already had so much fun. We took left over bake sale items to my work, we went back to my apartment and she sniffed the place while I packed everything up. She's a pretty good side-kick, although sometimes she has to sit in the car because places won't let her in. They're discriminating against my little doggie!
Now, she's whining at me. That's not new. So I'm going to get on top of that bible reading right now. And possibly take a nap. Tonight is my night to myself and I'm pretty excited for it.
byyyyye!
The Bake sale is over! Isn't that awesome? That's one huge load off of my chest. All I have to do is write a little paper for that project, get my powerpoint slide ready, and present. Then I'm pretty much done with that. Super happy about that. We raised 80 dollars for National Organization of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders
Tomorrow's the banquet! Very excited to see all of my Ichthus friends dressed up and looking wonderful. It should be a lot of fun.
Because the past two days have been so busy I haven't done my bible reading. However, I was able to go on a run this morning which was wonderful because the weather was perfect. Maybe I'll get to go again tomorrow?
I'm dog sitting this weekend. So Violet and I have already had so much fun. We took left over bake sale items to my work, we went back to my apartment and she sniffed the place while I packed everything up. She's a pretty good side-kick, although sometimes she has to sit in the car because places won't let her in. They're discriminating against my little doggie!
Now, she's whining at me. That's not new. So I'm going to get on top of that bible reading right now. And possibly take a nap. Tonight is my night to myself and I'm pretty excited for it.
byyyyye!
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Aging
Oh dear. So, I know I'm only 21, but seriously I feel so old compared to when I was oh, a mere 15.
So sure, I haven't gone running in over a month, so this morning was beautiful, I just had to. Lucky for me, unlike last weekend, this one is much more relaxed. All I really have to do is get things ready for my women's studies activism project, get things ready for the Ichthus banquet, write/memorize a 7-9 minute speech, and catch up on some reading. Oh wow, that does sound like a lot, but seriously not as bad as last weekend.
So back to running. Now, I know I'm out of shape because it hurts to breath hard. My throat gets sore, I cough up some lovely stuff and it's just not comfortable. But, I have no one to blame for that except my self. So while dodging little piles of doggie poop on the sidewalks, stuff in my body started hurting. Like my ankle was unhappy and so was my hip. At the age of 15...nothing like that ever hurt. So strange. I'm not old, but I do feel my aging ever so slightly.
Tomorrow I get to celebrate Jesus coming back to earth. Yesterday I really reflected on the purpose of Jesus who died for the human race. He died so that the consequences of our sins is taken from us, so long as we believe in Him. Also, for some reason the radio stations in Manhattan are really crappy and always playing commercials instead of actual music. But yesterday as I was really thinking about this stuff the christian radio stations were seriously blasting so great tunes for that time. I'm so thankful that I celebrate a God who wants to be celebrated and worshipped, so much that He would enhance that time for me in a such a small way, but making me feel so completely loved through it. That was a pretty long sentence and I'm hoping that that made sense.
This morning as I was running, I felt so different about things. I like running with no watch, no ipod, just me and the sound of my feet hitting the pavement so that I have no distractions. This is the time I really get to think and have little conversations with God. So as I was running back home something told me to just look to the sky. Seriously, most beautiful clouds/sun rising ever. The clouds were a dark blue, with dimples in them so that every once and a while they would break apart and there the sun beams would shine through. So gorgeous, my words do no justice. It's so great to me that almost every aspect of my day is somehow turned to Him and how His beauty shines through everywhere.
Last night I met up with an old friend. She shared with me the details of her college life, her college friends, her college everything. I love her so much, but hearing her stories just makes me so sad. It makes me see the lives that we live are so different. It makes me see the way the world just wants us to live. I have to, I mean really, have to start praying for her. I have to start being more diligent with things like that. I hope that she could see that I do love her and care for her so much that I want her to see and believe the same things I do. I don't want to seem judgmental. Is that judgmental? I don't think it is. I hope it didn't come off that way.
Time get started on that speech.
So sure, I haven't gone running in over a month, so this morning was beautiful, I just had to. Lucky for me, unlike last weekend, this one is much more relaxed. All I really have to do is get things ready for my women's studies activism project, get things ready for the Ichthus banquet, write/memorize a 7-9 minute speech, and catch up on some reading. Oh wow, that does sound like a lot, but seriously not as bad as last weekend.
So back to running. Now, I know I'm out of shape because it hurts to breath hard. My throat gets sore, I cough up some lovely stuff and it's just not comfortable. But, I have no one to blame for that except my self. So while dodging little piles of doggie poop on the sidewalks, stuff in my body started hurting. Like my ankle was unhappy and so was my hip. At the age of 15...nothing like that ever hurt. So strange. I'm not old, but I do feel my aging ever so slightly.
Tomorrow I get to celebrate Jesus coming back to earth. Yesterday I really reflected on the purpose of Jesus who died for the human race. He died so that the consequences of our sins is taken from us, so long as we believe in Him. Also, for some reason the radio stations in Manhattan are really crappy and always playing commercials instead of actual music. But yesterday as I was really thinking about this stuff the christian radio stations were seriously blasting so great tunes for that time. I'm so thankful that I celebrate a God who wants to be celebrated and worshipped, so much that He would enhance that time for me in a such a small way, but making me feel so completely loved through it. That was a pretty long sentence and I'm hoping that that made sense.
This morning as I was running, I felt so different about things. I like running with no watch, no ipod, just me and the sound of my feet hitting the pavement so that I have no distractions. This is the time I really get to think and have little conversations with God. So as I was running back home something told me to just look to the sky. Seriously, most beautiful clouds/sun rising ever. The clouds were a dark blue, with dimples in them so that every once and a while they would break apart and there the sun beams would shine through. So gorgeous, my words do no justice. It's so great to me that almost every aspect of my day is somehow turned to Him and how His beauty shines through everywhere.
Last night I met up with an old friend. She shared with me the details of her college life, her college friends, her college everything. I love her so much, but hearing her stories just makes me so sad. It makes me see the lives that we live are so different. It makes me see the way the world just wants us to live. I have to, I mean really, have to start praying for her. I have to start being more diligent with things like that. I hope that she could see that I do love her and care for her so much that I want her to see and believe the same things I do. I don't want to seem judgmental. Is that judgmental? I don't think it is. I hope it didn't come off that way.
Time get started on that speech.
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